


borrowed hearts

by kylouwu



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo is an ass, Brief Mentions of Blood, F/M, Loads of it, Moderate burn, OR IS HE, TW: medical procedures, and so is Rey, ben's just going through it, brief post-op descriptions, i believe in Happily Ever Afters, there will be sexual content, this is only my second fic so please don't roast me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:14:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27518221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylouwu/pseuds/kylouwu
Summary: Rey Kanata has lived with her heart for twenty years, but she won't be able to keep it much longer. She's been on the transplant list for as long as she can remember, and she's come to terms with the likely possibility that she'll stay on the list until her last breath.Surprise comes in the form of a heart perfect for her body. When the time comes to meet her donor's family a year later, she has a not so warm welcome from her heart's brother, Ben Solo.It wouldn't be so hard to shake off if his name wasn't plastered on the door to the office of her new boss at her new job.(Also known as the one where two stupid kids fall in love.)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 26
Kudos: 121





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this story randomly after waking up one morning and I haven't been able to let it go since. I'm hoping I can give it as much love and attention as I did my first 'baby'. TW for those who don't want to read about medical procedures or blood, since they are briefly and mildly mentioned. There are also mentions of tobacco use, causal alcohol use, and medications.

This was the first time Rey had ever been truly shocked. 

(Mentally, at least. Her heart had been literally, _physically_ shocked multiple times before.)

Ironically, it wasn’t the heart condition that taught her to not get her hopes up over the years. 

It wasn’t even the foster homes she bounced through at just five years old (she could barely even remember them now) that taught her to keep the bar set lower than low.

It was ingrained somehow. A fragment of her DNA coded for hesitance—to think not just twice, but to think a third, fourth, and millionth time. Just to be safe. 

“Do you have the CHG bottles in your bathroom, honey?”

Her mother was understandably frantic; her face clear as day with excitement, nervousness, and the worst of all—hope. They’d had a bag prepared just in case this ever happened. Rey knew it was a ploy to make her feel like there was hope when the logistics for hope simply weren’t there.

They all knew the statistics. 

Getting a match at her age and with her specific condition was slight. 

Yet through some twist of fate, they’d gotten a phone call at 2:47 in the morning. Rey had remembered thinking  _ “Who’s dying, and isn’t it ironic that it isn’t me?”  _

She’d need to be in the hospital in the next hour—ready to have her chest cracked open for the third time. 

Besides the nerves, there was also the pang of curiosity and guilt about what had to happen in order for her to have this opportunity. Because for her to get a second chance at some semblance of normalcy in her life, someone else had to die. 

A generally healthy someone, at that. A someone who was brave enough to be an organ donor. 

She tried not to dwell too long on that thought. She had a tendency to wax pessimistic at times. That’s what the Lexapro was for. 

At least Dr. Harris would be thrilled. 

She’d known her cardiac surgeon since she was a kid. 

Dr. Harris wasn’t your typical pediatric cardiac surgeon. He was like a chameleon. Rey had seen proof of it over the years. With shy children he was patient, calm, and kind. With Rey, he had a tad more gusto—and his humor bordered the morbid and sadistic.

Reminding her to take her medication and to stick to her routines was always a treat. He would tell her “ _ take your damn meds or I’ll switch you to Dr. Easton _ ”, who was far more of an empath than a psychopath. He also told her he was just waiting for the day she had her chest sawed in half again (even if it was by another surgeon). 

Her mother had been a little concerned at first, but didn’t complain when she watched Rey burst into a fit of laughter every time they met with the graying doctor. 

Although she’d had a million procedures before, this round of surgical prep was far different. 

There were a plethora of tests to ensure her lungs, kidneys, liver, and other vital organs were in working order. There was everything from chest x-rays, CBCs, metabolic panels, cardiac panels, a urinalysis, EKGs, and physical examinations to the repetition of her medical history that hadn’t changed for the past twenty years. 

Dr. Harris strolled into the pre-op room where her mother was sitting obediently by her bed. 

“Told you that you’d get cracked open this year.”

Rey narrows her eyes. 

“You’ve said that every year.” 

“I knew I’d be right eventually,” He smirks. “We’re gonna take you back in ten so that when your new engine gets here, we’ll be ready to go.”

Rey would normally have some sort of quick-witted rebuttal to give him, but she flattens her mouth instead. 

“I wouldn’t get to know who, would I? To like... thank the family somehow?”

Dr. Harris’ humor abates, too. 

“Not for a year. Patient confidentiality.”

Rey nods. 

“I hate to think of what they’re going through,” Maz shakes her head, her hand tightening around her daughter’s. “Losing a child...”

“Whoever they were, their family should be proud,” Dr. Harris reassures them. “They’re giving Rey an invaluable gift.”

“Unless my body decides to use the gift receipt.”

Rey quirks an eyebrow at Dr. Harris, who just returns an equally sarcastic eyebrow back at her. 

“We’ve planned for that, remember?”

Rey sighs, nodding. 

Shit-tons of immunosuppressants. For the rest of her life.

She’d have a long recovery regardless of her body’s acceptance of her new organ, but if she had to remain on larger doses of anti-rejection meds, her new lease on life would be less enticing. 

It would be filled with avoiding any and all crowds, staying home pretty much every day for the rest of her life, no graduation ceremony when she finally finished college next year, no real job… 

She felt guilty for feeling bummed out. Someone died to give her a heart… she should shut the fuck up and deal with it. 

“Has Dr. Rashid arrived?” Maz asks. 

They’d only met Dr. Rashid once, and by chance. It was another lucky person’s day for a new heart back then. The donor had been too old and way too incompatible for Rey to be considered. After a successful transplant, Dr. Harris brought Dr. Rashid back to meet Rey and her mother after having another routine heart cath done. 

Dr. Rashid was old, but indisputably the best in his field.

He traveled around the east coast doing nothing but heart transplants. 

If she had to have her chest cracked open, it might as well be by Dr. Rashid. 

The last thing she is conscious of is the meeting with the OR team and Dr. Harris and Dr. Rashid. There were nurses and anesthesiologists and other people she definitely wouldn’t be able to remember but would be grateful for nonetheless. 

Some time later, she’s tiptoeing between consciousness and deep, deep sleep.

She can register that her mouth is dry… so, she swallows. 

_ Not _ the greatest idea.

Her throat tightens around the tube extending down to her lungs and she gags.

A million little alarms go off somewhere in her periphery, and within seconds there’s a nurse in the room, an adjustment on an IV pump, and she’s asleep again. 

The next time she wakes, the same thing happens. Only this time, there’s a different nurse, and she doesn’t put her back to sleep. 

“You’ve been trying to breathe on your own, Rey, so we’re going to try to extubate,” She explains. “Anesthesia is on their way now, so just try to relax. The machine is still helping you breathe, so you don’t need to exert yourself.”

It was anxiety more than anything else that kept her from relaxing. She kept gagging on the damned tube, which only made her chest constrict and then send stabbing pains throughout her body. 

It’s not a long affair, thankfully. The anesthesiologist arrives, they remove the satanic tube from her throat, and that’s that. 

Or so she thought.

Later, she’s forced to take deep breaths and cough to encourage her lungs to wake up and to make sure pneumonia doesn’t set in. 

It’s a real bitch. 

They give her a heart-shaped pillow to hug as she coughs, which does nothing more than let her focus on the pain rather than distract her from it. 

She repeats this wonderful process every two hours. 

The nurse tells her she sets a record for getting up after surgery. Rey wouldn’t have minded to let the record stand, but there was the fact that she had a foley catheter collecting all of her urine and she wasn’t about to let that go on longer than necessary. 

It was an act of congress just to walk to the bathroom. She had at least a million different tubes and monitors attached to her body. 

She dreamed of the day she’d take an actual shower. 

For now, her mom just helped her take a glorified version of a bird bath whenever Rey felt a little too gross, and she felt gross a  _ lot _ .

They took her for a biopsy a little more than a week after the transplant, to check and make sure her new heart was working properly. After that, she was cleared to move to a step-down unit, and then to a regular floor where the plan for her to go home was set in motion. 

In all, she’d been in the hospital for nineteen days. 

She’d have to go back for at least an overnight stay in a month to do another biopsy, but for now, she had been discharged. 

While she’d normally celebrate with the biggest, fattiest, unhealthiest bacon cheeseburger she could get her hands on, the new heart… her borrowed heart beating in her chest made her think twice about a lot of things. 

The greatest of which was the possibilities she now had for the rest of her life. 

Now, she could live.

  
  


In the year that followed, her life was filled more with salads and fruits and lean meats rather than burgers and fries and anything remotely delicious. Due to the side effects of the immunosuppressants and her own body chemistry, she’d started having to check her blood glucose levels at least twice a day, which meant her fingers were permanently stained with tiny little dots from the glucometer. 

She washed her hands so often she was concerned they’d get calloused. 

A face mask had become part of her outfit during the rare times she had to go somewhere where she couldn’t stay at least five feet away from other people. 

She didn’t drive for months after she was cleared, mainly for her mother’s sake. Eventually, she made her mother relent. Although she worked from home, she did have a full time job other than taking care of Rey twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. 

Although she avoided stores themselves, she’d taken the initiative to order the groceries and bring them home, make bank runs for her mother, and even attend her own post-op check-up appointments herself. 

This was when she had her second surprise. 

They’d been able to scale back her anti-rejection meds each time she went in for a check-up. 

She’d had no major infections, other than the colds. 

So. Many. Fucking. Colds.

But then Dr. Harris cleared her to work. 

“Seriously?” She’d beamed. 

She doubted the anxiety would ever decrease, but figured a little bit of normalcy might make her life seem less monotonous. 

“Get a job, bum.” Dr. Harris grinned.

To celebrate the incomparably magical opportunity of joining the monotonous workforce, her mom and best friend, Finn, had helped her pick out and move into her new apartment. It wasn’t too far away from the hospital or from her mom’s (her mother’s understandable stipulation), and it had a kitchen that was to die for (Finn’s stipulation so she could cook for him). 

She put her degree to work immediately, sending out less-than appealing resumes and waiting for any and all responses to chime into her inbox every hour of every day. That, and scheduling Zoom interviews. 

Instead of getting an email from a prospective employer, it was an email from Dr. Harris that she received one Thursday afternoon, piquing her interest. 

It was about the donor family.

“They reached out?” Her mother asks, peering over her shoulder and sitting a cup of tea down for her daughter.

“Dr. Harris says they’d like to meet me,” Rey explains. “He’d talked to them via Zoom and he says they seemed very nice. They wanted to know if I was doing okay.”

“That’s incredibly sweet of them.”

Rey nods.

“When do they want to meet?” 

“This weekend. Saturday, I believe.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” 

She knew her mother would never quit worrying about her. Of course, who could blame her? 

Rey was confident she could handle this on her own. She’d survived congenital heart disease, transplant surgery, and gotten a college degree along the way. She could handle meeting a couple strangers. 

What’s the worst that could happen?

* * *

It had rained from the time Rey woke up that Saturday morning. 

She should’ve seen that for the omen it was.

They agreed to meet at a neutral location. There was a café only ten minutes from Rey’s new apartment. 

Rey was hoping she’d be early enough to be there before them, but had no such luck. They recognized her the second she got out of her car and walked toward the outdoor seating area they’d been sitting at. 

Rey had a pretty good radar for identifying situations she shouldn’t be in. 

This… this was one of them. 

The mother and father—Leia and Han Solo—were kind beyond words. They hadn’t made her feel uncomfortable or anxious in the slightest. They asked about her life, what she planned on doing with her degree, what her hobbies were... They showed her pictures of Poe, their youngest son and her donor, and shared stories of how carefree and loving he was. 

They’d adopted him when he was a baby. For Rey, that explained the pictures. He didn’t favor his father or mother at all. Their oldest son, though… he seemed to favor his parents in all the old photos they showed Rey. 

Apart from the brief introduction, however, the brother had said nothing. He hadn’t even moved an inch. 

She’d have fared better if he actually was a statue. 

He would’ve seemed imposing even without the clear distaste for her presence and his brother’s continued absence. He was large—in every sense of the word. He had pale skin and dark features, and a seemingly permanent scowl on his face. If he wasn’t such a dick, she’d have felt bad for him. 

He lost his brother. 

It was a type of pain she’d never felt and couldn’t possibly comprehend. 

When Rey gathered enough courage to ask Leia and Han if they wanted to listen to her— _ Poe’s _ —heart, they’d both cried and gratefully accepted. Leia had then turned to her son and almost asked him what Rey assumed would be if he would want to listen. But then she turned to Rey first. 

“Would you mind if Ben—“

“I’ll save you the air, it’s not happening,” He’d stood immediately, giving Rey one last hateful glance. She’d wondered if his voice would sound as menacing as he looked, and she’d clearly wondered correctly. “I don’t need a reminder that he’s dead.  _ She’s _ alive. That’s enough of one.”

While generally calm in most situations and fully able to let things slide off her shoulders, Rey felt the full force of his words. The air was sucked out of her lungs and her eyes stung with bitter anger and disappointment. 

She tried her best to seem even more grateful than she was for the gift she’d been given, and it still wasn’t enough. 

“Benjamin.” Han’s voice boomed, a low but firm warning. 

“Don’t worry, I’m way ahead of you,” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why I came.”

And with that, he walked to the parking lot, got in a car, and drove off. 

It was a solid ten minutes of apologies and explanations— _ not _ excuses, Leia had stressed—of how Ben had lost himself when he lost his brother. 

Rey assures them both it was fine and that she could understand his reluctance towards her. 

Rey repeated her sentiment again… She couldn’t properly explain how grateful she was for what they and their son had given her. 

They’d saved her life.

Han and Leia repeat their sentiments again, apologizing for the behavior of their eldest son, and Rey writes it off as nothing as she stares at the Chai latte she has no appetite for now.

When it’s finally over, she cries the entire way home. 

* * *

It was only a small respite that she had another email waiting for her when she did get home. 

The Zoom interview she’d had with a firm conveniently located just ten minutes from her apartment had been successful. 

She had a job, and she’d start bright and early Monday morning. 

Maybe things weren’t so bad after all.

But Monday came way too quickly for her liking. 

She was thankful for the ability to work but after the weekend’s fiasco, she didn’t feel like being around other humans in any capacity. Her psychological level of tolerance for human interaction was nonexistent.

And that was additional to the general crippling anxiety about being in public and potentially catching some disease her body couldn’t fight off. 

Thankfully, the Skywalker firm would be incredibly accommodating. They’d offered to limit her contact, give her an office of her own, and test the temperatures of the limited number of employees that she would be working with every morning. 

Not only that, but she would work from home two days a week and only be in the office Tuesday to Thursday. This week would just consist of a Monday and Thursday.

It seemed too good to be true. 

Before leaving her house, she checked her email and her calendar for the week, almost figuring she’d have a ‘gotcha’ email in her inbox letting her know the job was a hoax. 

Instead, there was an email from Benjamin C. Solo. 

Her heart threw a PVC involuntarily. 

And then her brain corrected her— _ Poe’s _ heart. 

_ Miss Kanata, _

_ Forgive the intrusion. Don’t blame my mother or Dr. Harris. I stole the contact information from her phone. If you feel like taking any legal action, please direct it toward me.  _

_ Though I don’t deserve any semblance of forgiveness and have no excuse for my behavior, I must apologize for my actions on Saturday. I behaved horribly.  _

_ I loved—love—my brother dearly and he would certainly not have tolerated the way I treated you.  _

_ My mother has a family dinner every Thursday evening, and I’m certain she would love to have you over whenever it’s convenient for you.  _

_ If it’s alright with you, I’d also like the opportunity to be able to apologize to you in person.  _

_ If not, I completely understand.  _

_ Ben Solo _

Her eyes gaped at her computer for a solid minute before she decided she didn’t have the time or energy to deal with  _ that _ this morning. 

She second-guessed her choice in footwear with every click on the polished tile floor. It was late September, so a sweater dress, blazer, and boots seemed like a normal outfit. 

She’d have to fix the heels of the boots when she got home, though. She hated the thought that her shoes could signal her presence to everyone within a mile radius of her. 

“You must be Rey,” a woman’s voice sounds out, making Rey turn before she could get on the elevator. “I’m Amilyn. It’s so great to finally meet you.”

Rey shakes the older woman’s hand and offers a smile. 

“You, too. I’m excited to start.” 

“Did an HR rep reach out to you to let you know about the limited staff contact?”

“Yes. A Rose Tico who I think handles payroll and in-company finance, and, um… Kaydel Connix—the secretary for the finance department, and then the CFO.” 

“Right, and I’ll be your in-person HR rep,” she smiles. “We’ll go ahead and give you a little tour of your office and I’ll show you where everyone else is located.”

Rose is shorter than Rey with dark hair and a bright, contagious smile. She holds her hand out to shake Rey’s but then seems to remember the predicament and pulls her hand back. 

“My doctor showed me this technique,” Rey offers with a smile when she shows Rose the alternative to handshakes—the elbow touch. “Looks weird, but it works.”

“I like it.” Rose smiles. 

She then meets Kaydel while Amilyn is showing her where the mail room, restroom, and break room is. 

“If I’m not in my office, there’s a 90% chance I’m here,” Kaydel laughs, hovering over the coffee pot as it fills. 

She’s nearly forgotten about her email when Amilyn shows her to the CFO’s office. 

“Ben keeps to himself a lot, but he’s a sweet guy,” Amilyn assures her. “If you need anything at all, don’t be afraid to ask him or any of us.”

She finds that there’s a little feeling crawling up her spine the closer they get to the office door. 

_ Benjamin C. Solo _

_ Chief Financial Officer _

Rey calculates the odds of getting out of the moment by staging a heart attack, but she figures the commotion would draw the attention of the person behind the office door, so she decides to just suffer whatever fate was in store for her. 

“Oh, hi, Amilyn. Sure, come on in.” She hears a horrifically familiar low voice boom before she forces herself to walk in behind Amilyn. 

“Ben, this is the new client finance rep, Rey Kanata,” Amilyn smiles. “Rey, this is Ben Solo, our CFO.”

Rey’s first assumption was that he’d learned of her employment and sent the email to cover his ass. 

But his face said otherwise. 

He looked like someone had drained every drop of blood from his body, and his eyes nearly bulged from his skull. If facial features alone could speak, his would be saying  _ “Oh, fuck” _ at the moment.

“Miss... Miss Kanata,” he finally clears his throat. “A pleasure.”

He makes no move to shake her hand, and she wonders if it’s from memory or from some memo he’d gotten about a new hire being some sort of immunosuppressed no-fly-zone. Or if he’s scared to go anywhere near her for fear of an attack.

“Mr. Solo,” Rey manages to respond. She clears her throat and plasters a fake smile on her face. “The pleasure is all mine.”

He was likely sweating his ass off in his ridiculously tailored suit. He looked like he was two seconds away from throwing up. 

If the situation was allowed to continue, Amilyn was bound to notice. 

A miracle happens, however, and Amilyn reaches inside her blazer pocket for her beeping phone. 

“That’s Jess, another HR rep,” she explains. “Your paperwork is ready. I’ll let Ben introduce himself to you and then when you’re finished, just meet me back in your office and we’ll fill out all the necessary forms.”

“Sounds great.” Rey squeaks, turning fully to watch Amilyn leave the room. 

She refuses to turn around. 

And neither one mutter a single word for a horribly awkward stretch of time. 

Then, they both try to speak at the same time.

“I got your email—“

“I had no idea—“

The both stop and Rey turns and watches as he runs a hand through his hair before leaning on his desk. 

“I know, in context, it may seem that I had been aware of your employment here before I sent… that email this morning.”

“Right.” Rey keeps her eyes on her toes. 

“I didn’t… I had no idea.”

“I figured… I mean… you seemed surprised.”

She hears him scoff and he nods. 

“I am so sorry,” He begins, and his voice is much softer than she’d remembered. “For a ridiculously long list of things. If you aren’t comfortable working here, now… I’ll gladly arrange a severage package and make sure you’ve secured employment at any other company you wish to—“

“It’s fine,” Rey stops him. Her primary fear was that he wouldn’t want her to work here, so at least that was one less hurdle. She liked the values of the company. They worked in the environmental technology sector and helped individuals and businesses secure alternate-energy systems. “I… I’d like to stay, if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” He immediately shakes his head. “Whatever you want.”

She nods.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” He begins again. “I’m ashamed of the way I treated you. I was still so angry and… regardless, it doesn’t excuse my behavior. I am very sorry, Miss Kanata.”

She was fully prepared to tell him to shove his apology where the sun didn’t shine, but the look on his face seemed as genuine as could be. 

“I… it’s fine,” She breathes. “I mean, not fine… but… I understand, I suppose.”

“I don’t deserve it, but thank you.” 

She’s about to turn around when he starts speaking again.

“Did… I’m just curious… were you taking classes online after your, um, surgery? For your degree, I mean.”

Rey’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Was he questioning her qualifications?

“Yeah, I had to take a semester off, though. It wasn’t… I could’ve handled it, but the first six months post-op are the most… unpredictable, I guess.”

He nods. 

“And… and everything’s gone well since?” 

She nods, nervously fixing her hair after fidgeting so much.

“Good, good,” He swallows. “I’m glad.”

Before she can escape, he speaks again. 

“The offer for dinner… at my parents’ place,” He clears his throat. “Please don’t feel like you have to come, now. It’s completely up to you. We’d love to have you if you do decide to come.”

“Oh,” Rey nods, feeling genuinely concerned for her cardiac health for the first time in quite a few months. “Okay.”

She doesn’t let the next awkward silence end in even more torture.

“I should get back to… to Amilyn.”

“Right. See you around, then.”

At least the sentiment of  _ “please kill me now, sweet Jesus” _ seems to be written all over Ben Solo’s face as well. 

She uses that for a piss-poor form of comfort as she nearly runs out of his office and back to hers. 

She sighs and closes her eyes for a brief moment while she’s alone.

“What the  _ hell _ have I gotten myself into?”

* * *

When she gets home, she finally replies to the millions of text messages she’d received from Finn throughout the day. 

Clearly, her clipped answers were a sign that she was in severe distress, so Finn had decided to reply with a phone call. 

“Hey, peanut,” She hears his cheery voice call out as she puts her phone on speaker and starts stripping out of her clothes to put on her pajamas. “How bad was it?”

“It really wasn’t bad,” She sighs. “The job itself seems like it will be nice. Not too difficult. My coworkers seem really sweet.”

“My internal bullshit detector is going off,” he scoffs. “What happened?”

“I’m not lying. Really,” She insists. “It’s just… there’s a little, um… blip. With my boss.”

“Is your boss a dick? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“I… it’s complicated.”

“Either he’s a dick or he isn’t a dick. Or she. I shouldn’t rule out the possibility of a female dick for a boss. I’m a feminist.”

She rolls her eyes and throws her work clothes in her laundry room. 

“It’s the dude, Finn. The brother of my donor.”

Finn’s silent for a moment.

“Well, now that you’ve told me where he works, I can come murder him for you.”

“ _ Finn _ .”

“Rey... he was horrible to you. He can’t even be human. He’s a monster.”

“He… he’s not as shitty as I thought, I think,” She tries to explain. “I mean, what he did… inexcusable. But he’s verbalized that. Several times. I think everything he said to me today began with an apology.”

“As it should’ve,” Finn replies. “Did he know you were going to-”

“No, definitely not,” Rey answers. “He looked like he was about to have his own cardiac event. It was so weird, though… This morning I got an email from him. He’d stolen my email from his mom, who he was adamant to tell me had no involvement in that. But, anyways… the email was really… apologetic. But I was so nervous and preoccupied with work so I didn’t reply or even let myself think about that too much…”

“Are you sure he didn’t send that to cover his ass?”

Rey scoffs. That had been her thought exactly.

“Finn, you didn’t see his face. It was like I was a ghost. He had no idea. I mean, it’s not like new hires are in his wheelhouse. He’s the CFO.”

“Damn. No wonder he’s an asshole with all that money.”

Rey laughs. 

“So, he didn’t try to fire you or anything?”

“No. If anything, he told me he’d give me a huge severance package until he could help me secure employment at any other company I wanted to work at. If I didn’t feel comfortable working there, you know…”

“Huh.”

“I know.”

“How old is this dude?”

Rey furrows her eyebrows.

“I don’t know,” Rey shrugs, even though Finn can’t physically see her. “His brother was just a few years older than me, I think. That’s what his parents told me when I met them. And I think Ben is supposed to be a few years older than his brother. So, like… maybe twenty-eight or twenty-nine.”

“Is he married?”

Rey furrows her eyebrows even further.

“I don’t know,” She answers. “Why? You into assholes?”

Finn scoffs, and she can just see him roll his eyes. 

“No, I’m putting the dots together, peanut.” 

“ _ What _ dots?”

“He’s not like a crazy amount older than you… You’re hot… Don’t deny it. I think that may be why he’s covering his ass. You know. He’d like to cover  _ your _ ass, too.”

“Oh,  _ Jesus Christ _ , Finn.”

She rolls her eyes at her refrigerator as she searches through it to find the chicken she had taken out of the freezer to thaw the night before. 

“Is he hot?”

Rey obviously doesn’t answer quick enough.

“So, he is.”

“You didn’t let me answer!”

She accidentally slams her iron skillet a little too roughly onto her stove.

“Are you cooking?”

She fights the urge to laugh. Leave it to Finn to pick up on any clue involving food. 

“I am. I  _ was _ going to let you come over and eat, but you’re irritating me at the moment.”

“I apologize, peanut,” Finn replies sweetly. “I’ll stop and let you cook.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll be over in twenty and you can tell me just how hot your asshole boss is.”

Before she can even hurl a string of curses at him, he’s hung up. 

Later, while her chicken is cooking, she makes it back to her phone to check her emails before Finn arrives. 

Ben Solo’s email is still loaded from earlier and she swears it’s mocking her from the inanimate phone screen. 

There was one thing for certain that she knew regarding Ben Solo.

She had no clue what to do with him.

  
  



	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben's friendship develops. Ben has certain... feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: brief mention of PMS

Following Finn’s advice, Rey had practiced from Monday evening until Thursday morning. 

Three entire days were spent coming up with every possible rejection to every possible scenario in which he asked her to a family dinner—and she successfully exercised restraint every single imaginary time. 

But now, Ben Solo is standing in the doorway to her office and it seems like if he clutches his knuckles any tighter, he may break his fingers. His pale face is scattered with splotches of red between his landmark freckles and his lips twitch as he manages one single line. 

“Did you, um, decide on dinner this evening?”

And Rey? She takes one look at his anxiety-addled face and rolls out like the doormat she is. 

“You’re sure your parents won’t mind?”

“Of course not,” he raises his eyebrows in surprise, then snorts, rolling his eyes at some inside joke that clearly she’s not privy to. “When they figured out who my new employee was, they wouldn’t let it go.”

Rey’s sure her face flushes to the same hue that Ben’s was just a minute earlier. His is slowly making its way back to a normal, more subtle shade of rose. 

“Um... Do you... do you have the address? I should probably... what time does she usually have dinner?”

Rey is surprised that he falters for a moment, as if he wasn’t expecting that line of questioning. 

“I used to,” He halfway laughs, clearly nervous. “Until they moved a couple months ago… I drive there all the time, it’s just—“

“You never really use their address.” Rey nods, smiling. 

She never thought she’d be able to chat with Ben Solo in any manner that seemed normal. But her main personality trait in most conversations was diffusion. If she sensed anger, she calmed. If she sensed panic, she rationalized. If she sensed anxiety, she tried to comfort.

Which is apparently what she was doing now. Ben was slightly more smooth in the delivery of his speech. 

“She usually has dinner ready a little after I get off,” He runs a hand through his hair. “If you… I mean, you could follow me, but parking is, well… it’s shit. If you wanna just ride with me, though… Then, I can bring you back to your car here.”

“Oh,” Rey’s entire body tenses at the thought of being trapped in a vehicle with him for even a short period of time. Even though she refused to consciously acknowledge the fact, she was subconsciously aware of Ben Solo’s attractiveness (although she would never  _ ever _ admit that to Finn). It only made her limited and rocky experience with him thus far even more confusing. “I wouldn’t want to put you out…”

“I’d have to drive back this way to get home, anyways,” He explains with a light shake of his head. “They live on the east end of the city. I live on the west side.”

So did she. 

She didn’t know what to do with that information. 

She mentally went over her checklist. In her med bag, she had sanitizer, Lysol wipes (though she wasn’t sure she’d actually need them), emergency meds, her portable EKG that wirelessly paired with her phone, a stethoscope, glucometer, a thermometer, and a blood pressure cuff. She was prepared for nearly anything. 

“Okay,” She swallows the lump in her throat. “I’ll just ride with you. If you’re sure.”

“Of course,” He smiles, and turns to leave before turning back around. “I made sure neither one had a temperature or anything… Not even so much as a cough or sniffle in the last week.”

Rey raises her eyebrows in surprise and flushes again. 

She’d even forgotten to ask. 

But it seemed he was a step ahead of her and had clearly been more invested in her safety than she had. 

She didn’t know what to do with that information, either. 

In fact, the list of inoperable information that was accumulating regarding Ben Solo was starting to become insurmountable. 

When she got in his car, she noticed the fresh smell of disinfectant. 

She wondered how stupid it was that she was hoping he’d do at least one thing wrong. 

But he didn’t. 

It wasn’t overly cold in the city yet, but he made sure to let her know where the controls for the seat warmers and the heat were. 

And _ Jesus Christ _ , did he have bear paws for hands? 

The brief car ride was awkward, although admittedly less so than she’d prepared herself for. They talked about random things… where Rey got her degree, why she went into the field she went into, her hobbies. 

She’d mentioned that due to her predicament she ended up developing quite the list of hobbies. She had an extensive reading repertoire and had a recipe memorized for just about any combination of ingredients. 

“So Agatha Christie meets Julia Child?” Ben had smiled, his eyes still set on the road. 

“I’m no writer,” Rey scoffs. “I’d never have the patience.”

“So, Elizabeth Bennet meets Julia Child.”

“That’s a little more accurate.” Rey flushes. 

When he slows and begins to parallel park along the street, she looks to the houses beside them. 

“Their place is back down the street a bit,” he explains. “Like I said… parking is shit.”

They walk about a foot apart, and Rey realizes suddenly that they’re in the historical district. 

The Solos were  _ loaded _ , so it seemed. 

They make it to the corner of the street and Ben turns toward a beautiful, dark brick number, spanning four stories. 

“Wow.”

“It used to be a publishing company back in the late 1800s,” Ben explains as they walk up the stairs. “Mom had it renovated.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Be careful,” Ben fights a smirk. “She won’t shut up about it.”

Rey laughs as Ben simply walks through the door without knocking. 

Rey follows behind and takes in her surroundings as Ben calls out to let his parents know they’d arrived. 

“Rey! Oh, it’s so great to see you, sweetheart,” Leia beams. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Thank you for inviting me,” Rey tries to remain polite. She knows they’re bound to start throwing Ben under the bus (not that she blamed them), so she decides to commit herself to a night of architectural conversation. “This is a beautiful home, Mrs. Solo. Ben was just telling me it used to house a publishing company.”

“Please, honey, call me Leia,” the Solo matriarch smiles as she leads them both through the house. “Thank you. I’d loved the house for years and had always had my eye on it, but its previous owner was a hard nut to crack.” 

“The city owned it beforehand, mom.” Ben rolls his eyes. 

“Exactly, Benjamin.”

As it turns out, Leia is a phenomenal cook. She promised to send Rey the recipe for the carbonara she’d prepared, along with a list of other family recipes from both her parents and Han’s late ‘Uncle’ Ben Kenobi, which was apparently where Ben Solo got his namesake. 

Rey insists on at least helping Leia clear the table, even though she refuses to let her do much of anything else. On the journey from the dining room to the kitchen, she sees a few photos in ornate frames, all across the top of a small table in the hallway. 

“That was a year before,” Leia explains, and Rey studies the photo further. It’s of Poe, Ben, and Han. They’re all standing around what Rey knows to be a ‘70s model Indian. “They both helped Han fix it up.”

“He liked bikes?” Rey asks, trying to manage the balance between not bringing him up and trying to casually include him in conversation. 

“Riding them, mostly,” Ben’s voice nearly causes Rey to jump out of her skin. He leans around her to pick the photo up for a moment. “He had less patience for actually fixing the thing.”

There’s a distinct smile on his face as he sets the photo back down. 

“That looks like the Indian my mom’s, um, husband had,” Rey says, then rushes to explain, since she’d mentioned before that she only had a mother. “Before she adopted me, she was married. He passed away a few years before that, and it’s just been sitting in the garage ever since. I honestly don’t know if it would even run, now. But it looks a lot like that one. I think it was a 1975.”

“I believe this one is a ‘75, too.”

“You were adopted?”

Both Leia and her son end up speaking at the same time. Leia had stuck to the easier subject… the bike. Ben had gone for another line of inquiry. 

“When I was five,” Rey nods. “I don’t remember much of anything before, so… I mean, Maz has always been my mom.”

Leia smiles fondly. 

“We adopted Poe when he was five,” She mentions, and Rey feels a lump form in her throat as she watches the graying woman blink away the tears forming in her eyes. “He always told anyone who asked the same thing you just said.”

The tension becomes almost too much to bear, and just before Rey nearly collapses under it, Ben speaks up. 

“Unless he was telling them that I was the one adopted,” He smirked. “That they’d all felt sorry for me since no one had adopted me because of my abnormally large ears.”

Rey joins in with Leia’s robust laughter. 

She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t noticed Ben Solo’s ears.

She is less anxious than she thought she’d be when she gets back into Ben Solo’s vehicle for the journey home. 

But it all returns in a tidal wave when he insists upon apologizing for the millionth time. 

“Rey, I know I sound like a broken record,” He begins. “But I am truly sorry.”

She has half a mind to tell him off, but she can tell he’s sincerely distraught. Although it isn’t logical at all, she feels sorry for him. 

“I know you are, really,” She nods. “What you did wasn’t cool, but I guess I kind’ve understand why. I don’t have siblings, so I can’t even begin to imagine…”

“I smoked so much last year that I’m surprised I still have lungs,” He goes off topic, and Rey raises an eyebrow. “It helped me cope with… well, it wasn’t coping. It was blanketing. I covered up my feelings about losing my brother, covered up stress from working too much. But then, I decided smoking my woes away wasn’t a healthy choice, so I quit cold turkey. Not the greatest idea. Three weeks later, I saw you… alive and happy, and thank  _ god _ you are, really… But, it made me face how much I missed my brother all at once, and I didn’t have my normal coping mechanism, and I snapped.”

Rey sits in silence and lets all of the information sink in. 

“And I don’t… I don’t want this to come off as an excuse, really,” He shakes his head. “Because it isn’t. At all. What I did to you is inexcusable. I just figured I owed you an explanation.”

“Thank you,” Rey begins, her head still swimming in the information he’d given her. “I mean… I forgive you.”

He seems startled, glancing over at her once and finding a sincere face. 

“I don’t deserve it,” He scoffs, clearing his throat as he turns into the parking building and heads for Rey’s car. “But, thank you. For coming today, too. It means the world to my parents.”

“Of course,” Rey replies, unbuckling her seatbelt and reaching for the door handle. “I’m indebted to you all. This… well, it’s obviously invaluable.”

She gestures to her chest, where her borrowed heart was sitting safely inside. 

“It couldn’t have possibly gone to anyone more deserving.” 

Before she realizes it, Rey’s staring at him. She blinks, furiously blushing as she scrambles out of his vehicle. 

“See you Monday, Rey.” Ben leans over toward the now empty passenger seat to address her.

“Yeah, see you then.” She politely smiles back.

As if on cue, her phone goes off and she begins receiving a series of messages from Finn. 

_ There’s no way you’re still at work this late. _

_ REY. _

_ Did your hot asshole boss kidnap you? _

_ I can call the authorities.  _

_ Rey, seriously. Call me or something! _

Rey rolls her eyes and quickly types a response.

_ I’m fine and I’m driving home. I’ll call you in fifteen. _

Her phone pings again before she starts her car.

_ You did it, didn’t you? This is going to turn into a thing and you’re going to start having dinner with your hot asshole boss and his family and totally forget about me because I offer no form of sexual appeal. _

Rey rolls her eyes even harder as she drives out of the parking garage. 

It was not about to become a thing. 

* * *

It becomes a thing.

The next Monday begins like any other normal workday would, without any interaction with Ben Solo whatsoever. During the afternoon, however, she ends up needing some signatures and approvals that can only be done by the CFO himself. 

What should be a two minute affair ends up taking forty-five.

While Ben’s signing the papers Rey brought, her eyes catch a photo frame on his desk. A photo of Poe after a high school theater performance. They talk for almost an hour about how dramatic Poe was, and how he loved the theater and literature and literally everything Rey loved. 

He mentions his mother has video of some of his performances, and the next dinner is set.

Thursday evening is spent laughing with full bellies as Poe portrays Cinderella’s prince from Sondheim’s  _ Into the Woods _ . 

The next Thursday, they watch him play Donkey in  _ Shrek The Musical _ . 

The following Monday, Rey forgets her lunch at home and has a laugh with Rose about it before deciding she’ll order something in on her break. 

Five minutes before her break, Rose brings in a delivery from her favorite italian place. 

“Rose!” Rey scolds her. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t,” Rose shakes her head. “I thought you’d ordered it. Didn’t you?”

Rey falters and immediately flushes. 

“I did, but I didn’t think it’d get here so quick,” She quickly lies, laughing. “I’m glad I put a good tip on the order.”

“Maybe that’s why it got here so fast.” Rose smiles, sitting the bag on her desk and walking out.

In the end, she pretends not to notice Ben covertly and quickly peeking into her office as he passes by, assumingly making sure she’d gotten her food.

* * *

Ben knew something was different Thursday with Rey. She’d very politely declined to come to dinner that evening, begging Ben to tell his mother she’d be there next week and that she was sorry she couldn’t make it.

Friday, when Rose Tico casually mentions that Rey wasn’t feeling well, the hair on the back of Ben’s neck immediately stands straight up. 

“Is she alright?” He finds himself asking, forcing his eyes to stay on the creamer he’s pouring into his coffee. 

“She says it’s no big deal,” Rose shrugs, but she still seems worried. “That she’d be fine by Monday morning.”

Not having the ability to make it until five, Ben nearly runs out of the office at 4:45 that evening. 

He runs through a million scenarios in his head before deciding to call her. 

If he called her, she could reassure him that everything was fine and he could go home and forget about this crazed sense of anxiety he’d somehow developed. 

But she doesn’t answer. 

He waits another five minutes to give her the opportunity to call back before calling again. 

She still doesn’t answer. 

So, despite how insane he feels, he finds himself driving to Rey Kanata’s apartment. 

His chest relaxes just barely when he doesn’t see an ambulance in front of her building. 

To his benefit, he only paces for a couple of minutes in front of her door before knocking. 

It’s the most amazing feeling of relief when he hears approaching footsteps. 

When her door opens, his brain is hopelessly and completely rendered useless. 

She’s in a pair of tiny pink shorts that show their age with discoloration and a series of tiny pin-prick holes and a white, v-neck t-shirt that does little to hide the navy blue bra she has underneath it. 

She’s  _ perfect _ . 

And right as he realizes he needs to stop staring immediately and quit being a fucking creep, he watches her not-so-covertly move her forearm over her chest. 

Hiding her scar. 

If he hadn’t felt like an ass before, he  _ definitely _ felt like one now. 

_That’s_ what she thought caught his attention. 

“I’m sorry to barge in,” he clears his throat and finally looks at her face. She didn’t seem ill; maybe a tad bit paler than normal with a hint of exhaustion on her face. “Rose... she mentioned you weren’t feeling well, and so... well, I tried calling...”

“Oh...” she seems surprised. 

“I was just worried. I was afraid maybe the schedule was too much,” he explains. “If it is, we can change things around—“

“No, no, really,” her face flushes and she shakes her head insistently. “It’s nothing serious at all.”

His vision happens to shift behind her, to the corner of what seems to be her living room. In the corner of a large sectional, there’s a fluffy white blanket lying halfway on the floor and a smaller, pillow-like object with a cord attached, plugged into the wall about three feet away. There’s a bag of mini Reese Cups on her coffee table, along with some absurdly neon-colored sour candy and tiny white pill bottle—

_Oh_. 

That kind of sick. 

“I won’t bother you, then, I was just—“

“Do you wanna come in?” She asks him, wrapping her arms even further around herself. 

Before Ben can even consider the question, she’s speaking again. 

“I may or may not have impulse-ordered a large cheese pizza and a giant cookie after watching a commercial,” Her cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink and two small dimples appear on the corners of her mouth. “If, um... if you want to... If you have plans or have somewhere to be, it’s totally—“

“No, it’s uh,” Ben shakes his head, unable to stop grinning. “I’ll stay. If you’re sure.”

She gestures for him to come inside, and then he follows her into her living room. 

“I hope you like The Office,” she motions toward her television as they both sit down on her sectional. “If you wanna watch something else, I can—“

“Honestly, I don’t ever watch that much TV, so—“

“Don’t tell me you’re one of  _ those, _ Ben,” Rey laughs, situating herself back into what Ben can only describe as a cocoon of blankets. “That your only free time is exhausted by reading the New York Times and Architectural Digest.”

Ben fights a smile. 

“What can I say? I’m a fan of architecture.”

“It must be genetic,” Rey shakes her head. “Your parents’ home is gorgeous.”

“You would think,” Ben snorts. “That’s all the work of actual architects and interior designers. If my father was in charge of decor, the home would look like a nineties-era Soviet number, and my mom would’ve turned it into some sort of contemporary, popular art-filled hell.”

“It would’ve certainly turned heads.” Rey laughs. 

“Not in a good way.”

There’s another knock on the door, and Rey starts attempting to break out of her cocoon. 

“I’ll get it,” Ben offers, standing and moving halfway toward the door before Rey can even stand. 

When Rey had mentioned a large pizza, he hadn’t considered that large had actually meant a giant pizza. 

Ben had been known to put away an ungodly amount of food on occasion (most of those occasions happened in his four years of undergrad), but this might’ve even made twenty-one year-old Ben tap out. 

He manages to pull a five out of his pocket while taking the monstrosity into his other hand and hands it to the delivery guy. 

After the door is shut, he turns to Rey, who has a single eyebrow raised in wait for his comment. It looks as if it’s taking everything in her to not laugh at the moment. 

Ben clears his throat. 

“I’m assuming it looked smaller on the screen?” 

“Oh, fuck off.”

Ben’s eyebrows shoot upward but he laughs nonetheless, and Rey’s cheeks flush again as he sits the pizza box on her coffee table. 

“Sorry... I curse like a sailor. I blame Dr. Harris and the nurses at Mercy. I swear to you, nurses curse more than inmates.”

“Rubbed off on you, then?” He asks, watching her quickly walk around the corner into what he assumes is her kitchen, then comes back out with two plates and a small pile of napkins. 

“They were great,” she smiles fondly. “All of them. Ridiculously caring. I guess that comes with the job, though. A lot of them would come in on their days off to see me... and there were days where day shift nurses would stay for a few hours after their shift to watch a movie with me or go get takeout...”

“Well, you must’ve been a good patient,” Ben offers. “Were you in the hospital long?”

“Not crazy long, but there were a lot of hospital stays when I was fifteen. One tiny little infection made my heart overwork and then I got a lot of fluid around my lungs... It just took a while to get back to what was my relative normal then.” 

Ben feels his heart nearly break. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever not feel guilty about how angry he was with her. 

And it was as if he’d done nothing wrong at all to Rey. She was laughing and sharing stories and sharing her food... He didn’t deserve it. 

And then she goes one step further. 

“I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have brought it up. I know it has to make you think of your... of Poe.”

Ben’s so stunned he can’t speak for a moment. 

Of course he missed his brother. And yes, when Rey’s heart was the topic of discussion, he ended up reminiscing about his brother more so than usual. But this was nothing to apologize for. Certainly not from her, anyways. 

“I wish I could change that first meeting,” Ben sighs. “You don’t have to worry about anything, Rey. I’ll always think of Poe, and miss him. Even if the topic of conversation isn’t your heart.”

“I just… I always worry that I’ll say something wrong or do something that reminds you of him…” Rey explains. 

“I can understand that,” Ben nods. “But, please… Try not to worry. Knowing that part of him is still alive is an incredible thing. In a way… you’re keeping him with us now.”

Rey offers a small smile. 

“Thanks, Ben.”

“Don’t sweat it,” He tries not to stare at her for too long. “By the way, I think Amiliyn has everything squared away for you days off next week.”

When Rey had mentioned she’d be off an entire week for a medical procedure, Ben nearly felt his own heart give out on him. He fought the urge to ask and pry into what was clearly her personal business, but she’d seemed to notice and eased his worrying mind for him. It was just a simple dental procedure. Wisdom teeth.

“Oh, that’s not going to be necessary,” She shakes her head and Ben snaps back to the present. “I’m gonna have to postpone it.”

“Oh?”

“Mom called this morning and she’s got the flu,” She explains, digging into another slice of pizza. “She was planning on staying with me that day while I was loopy, so… She’ll be quarantined for the next two weeks. It’ll be a few months before they can get me in again.”

“I… You know, if you just need someone for that day, I wouldn’t care to take you,” Ben offers before actually thinking the suggestion through in his head. There were a growing number of instances where not thinking happened in her presence. “I mean, I took Poe when he got his wisdom teeth out. I know the drill fairly well.”

“There’s no way I could ask you to do that, Ben.” 

“Good, cause I’m offering.” 

Rey studies him for a moment, taking in the fact that he was completely serious. 

“Plus, you’d be forcing me to take some time off work, which I’ve been putting off.” He adds.

“You know there’ll be like… blood and stuff, right?” Rey asks, her face red.

“You should’ve seen Poe. Looked like… Well, I won’t go into the details. But it was pretty gross.” Ben laughs.

Rey studies him for another moment and gives in with a small smile.

“Fine,” Rey agrees, and Ben smiles. “But, you have to make your mother let me bring dinner one of these days.”

“I’ll do my best,” Ben laughs. “But, I mean, you’ve met the woman.”

“ Touché.” Rey smiles. 

They both hear Ben’s phone go off from his pocket, and when he examines the screen he rolls his eyes.

“Speak of the devil.”

Rey grins. 

“Your mom?”

“She was worried about you,” He explains. “She said my father sneezed once five days ago, so he could’ve given you swine flu or something.”

Rey laughs loudly. 

“Did you tell her I’m fine?” She continues to laugh.

“Yes,” He smiles down at his phone before putting it away again. “She’s just more frantic this week than usual. We’re having Poe’s party tomorrow.”

Rey raises an eyebrow.

“His birthday is tomorrow,” He explains. “This would’ve been his 26th. We have a little party for him every year.”

Rey nods, knitting her fingers together in her lap. She has no idea how to respond. 

“Mom was wondering if you’d want to come,” Ben speaks up, glancing over at Rey nervously. “If you were feeling up to it, I mean.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude…” Rey begins. 

Ben angles his body toward hers.

“You wouldn’t be intruding at all, Rey,” He shakes his head. “We’d love for you to be there.”

And that’s how Rey ends up whispering profanities to her reflection the next evening. 

No matter what piece of clothing it was she pulled on to her body, it didn’t feel right. 

There wasn’t exactly a guide-book on what to wear to your dead organ donor’s commemorative birthday party when you have a questionably weird friendship going on with his brother who also happens to be your boss. 

She settles on a red, long-sleeved dress that falls halfway down her thighs and a pair of deceivingly warm tights to go underneath. It was the second day of November and the weather was just starting to get unbearably cold. She grabs a pair of boots and her coat, and just as she’s attempting to put her earrings on, her doorbell rings. 

She opens the door and immediately apologizes.

“I’ll be ready in a couple minutes, I promise,” She laughs, ushering Ben in as she runs back to her boots. 

“We have plenty of time,” He manages, willing himself to  _ not _ stare at her legs. “Take all the time you need.”

As she extends her legs out in front of her to pull the zipper of each boot up the ridiculous length of her legs, he focuses on the mundane… expense reports, HR meetings, annual performance reviews.

The damn boots make her legs look a mile longer. She runs over to the mirror in the corner of her living room to seemingly check her appearance. 

It was ridiculous. She was totally and completely and  _ obscenely _ and  _ mouth-wateringly  _ beautiful. 

As she turns to examine her reflection, he watches as a frown forms on her face and she attempts to reach a spot between her shoulder blades. 

With closer inspection, he notices the small button that had escaped its hole.

“Need a hand?” He asks.

“If you don’t care,” She replies sheepishly. “I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to put a button where no one can reach it.”

He guitily glances down at the length of her body when her back is turned to him and he can see a little sliver of skin beneath the fabric where he was fixing her button. 

The evening was bound to be pure torture. 

Thankfully, his brother seemed to be working as an effective distraction from beyond the grave. With every sway of her hips he caught sight of, and every accidental brush of their arms or caught glance, Poe’s name was mentioned and Ben could breathe in a sigh of relief. 

There’s a brief moment as Ben’s walking back from the restroom where he catches a picture of his little brother staring back at him from the hallway. 

“I can feel you smirking at me,” He tells the photo. “I wish you were here so I could see it in person.”

He stares at the photo a moment longer. 

“You hand-picked her, didn’t you?” He smiles. 

He looks back into the kitchen, where Rey was animatedly telling a story to his father… Han looked as smitten as Ben admittedly felt. 

“You did good,” Ben tells the photo, placing his fingertips on the old frame before letting it fall to his side. “Happy Birthday, Poe.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @kylouwu


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey undergoes wisdom teeth removal and Ben offers his assistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mild mentions of blood, IVs, and side effects from pain medications, mild panic

“You’re nervous.”

There was a fine line between incredulousness and sympathy in Ben Solo’s voice. 

Rey fidgeted in the chair beside him, crossing her arms in front of her torso to fight the cool air of the waiting room. 

She was worried, but she wasn’t sure if it had more to do with the procedure itself or the fact that her mom had the flu and couldn’t be there. 

She’d been set on cancelling, but Ben offered to come with her. 

“A little,” Rey admits. “It’s insane, I know… It can’t even join the ranks of all the shit I’ve had done.”

“Well, your mom isn’t here,” He shrugs sympathetically. “And I’m sure the threat of myself procuring incriminating video evidence of your post-anesthesia shenanigans is enough to make you squirm.”

Rey narrows her eyes at Ben and tries her hardest to not smile. 

“Remember, I’m not liable for anything that comes out of my mouth for like a solid eight hours.”

“Of course.”

Ben Solo actually winks at her. 

She knows it’s a ploy to calm her nerves. While it does the job for the time being, once she’s back inside a small examination room and she’s watching a nurse place an IV in her arm, she feels the same nerves again. 

She feels Ben’s hand wrap around her free one and give it a gentle squeeze. 

“You okay, Kanata?”

“Wonderful,” Rey flushes. “Want one?”

She gestures to her arm, where the nurse had already secured the IV.

“I appreciate your gratitude, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Alright, Miss Kanata,” the nurse smiles and stands from her small desk. “You ready to head back?”

Rey takes a deep breath and nods. 

“I’ll be waiting for you, Rey,” Ben speaks up, meeting her halfway when she walks to the door. “Everything will be fine.”

And then he does something that inadvertently sends a rush of adrenaline straight to her heart. 

He lowers his towering frame over hers and wraps her arms around her. 

Before she even has the chance to properly bask in how warm and comfortable it feels to be in his arms, he’s pulled back and she’s walking through the door. 

At least the hug distracts her. 

Before she knows it, she’s getting hooked up to a heart monitor, pulse oximeter, blood pressure cuff, and medication begins flowing through her IV. 

“Tell me about your boyfriend.”

Rey’s eyebrows ascend to her hairline. 

“Huh?”

“Your boyfriend… he seems nice. It’s nice that you have him here with you.”

“Oh,” Rey feels her cheeks heat as she glances over at the nurse. “No, he’s not… he’s just a good friend.”

“That’s a shame,” the nurse grins. “He’s pretty cute, isn’t he? And he doesn’t quite look at you like you’re a friend.”

Before she can even process that information, she’s in the void once more. 

And the next thing she’s conscious for is a persistent tapping on her arm. 

“Miss Kanata?”

The same nurse from earlier, along with the dental surgeon, both stare down at her with blinding fluorescent lights above their heads. 

She manages to mumble some sort of incoherent babbling signifying she’s somewhat awake. 

“Everything went perfectly,” the surgeon explains with a smile. “We’re gonna give you a little while to wake up more before we let you go home. Until then, we’re gonna transfer you back into the exam room you were in earlier.”

She’s only sentient for the transfer from whatever she was sitting in to the wheelchair. She doesn’t even realize she’s in another room until she hears a familiar voice. 

“Good, I’m glad everything went well. So, she’ll just have the two prescriptions?”

“Just the two,” another voice answers. “And I’ll give you a print out of everything I told you to watch out for and her directions—“

Rey tries to say his name. She really does. 

All that comes out, however, is:

“Mn?”

She manages to open her eyes when she senses someone in her periphery. 

“Hey there, toothless,” she sees Ben smile before her eyes close again and she frowns at his joke. “Told you everything would be fine. Feeling okay?”

“Mm.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

In hindsight, she’ll probably wonder what twisted part of her brain thought she needed to crack a joke right then, but while she was in the present and totally inebriated, she thought it was the greatest idea ever. 

“Mn.”

“What is it, Rey?”

She looks over at the nurse and then back at Ben before a smirk forms on her chipmunk cheeks. 

“Tute.”

In a perfect world, the word  _ cute _ would’ve been muttered precisely and it would also convey the entire joke she’d formed in her head. The one involving how the nurse had told Rey that she thought Ben was cute earlier. 

Ben entirely misreads her intention. 

“Tooth? Yeah, they took out some teeth, Rey.” Ben laughs. 

“I think she might be trying to tell you you’re cute.” The nurse winks. 

Ben laughs even louder, and a blush forms on his cheeks, but Rey’s too oblivious to notice. 

“We’ll have to schedule the optometrist next, then.”

“M’seep.” Rey informs them all when she can’t possibly hold her eyes open any longer. 

Nausea is what wakes her next. 

Is she on a boat?

“Finally waking up?” 

Nope. Not a boat. 

A Ben. 

She recognized the hallway of her apartment building as she floated above it. 

“Down…” she manages, trying to swing one of her legs out of his grasp. 

“You sure? Here…”

He helps her to her feet and she can see she’s about twenty feet from her door. 

“You were totally out of it. ‘Sleep here’ was what you decided in the car, so I figured I’d try to drag you inside myself.”

Rey snorts. 

“Seasick.”

“Seasick?”

Rey sighs and moves her arms around in a flailing motion to try and mimic how it felt floating around in his arms. 

“Remind me to never play charades with you.”

Rey manages to point at where her key is in her bag and he unlocks her door before she crashes onto her couch. 

“You need to change the gauze before you hibernate again.”

Rey grumbles indiscriminately before forcing herself up off the couch. 

She grabs the new gauze out of his hand and then moves her mouth. 

“Uh oh.”

“What is it?” Ben’s eyes narrow. 

“Did I saw-low it? Oh, god…”

Rey definitely couldn’t feel anything in her mouth, least of all the gauze that was still there. 

“Calm down, Rey,” Ben shakes his head, forcing himself to not laugh. He turns her to face him. “Open.”

She manages to open her mouth while tears fall from her eyes. 

“ _Rey_ ,” he gently admonishes, startled to see tears. “You’re alright. I promise. You didn’t swallow the gauze. It’s right here.”

He grabs an extra wad of gauze before steeling himself. It wasn’t a lot of blood, but he was known to be a wimp in the gore department. 

“Hold still, okay?”

Rey nods as she continues to hold her mouth open. 

“See? Got it. Now come over to the sink so you can rinse your mouth out and I can put the new ones in if you need them.”

Rey washes her mouth out and tries not to look at the blood before it drains. 

“I don’t think you’ll need more… you’re not bleeding much. Are you hungry or thirsty? I have pain meds if you’re—“

“Just sleepy.” Rey shakes her head. 

“Okay,” Ben nods. “You can go rest. I’ll be in here if—“

“You’re not gonna sleep?” She asks, genuinely confused. 

“I… I’m not under the effects of anesthesia at the moment.”

“Oh.”

Rey doesn’t move. It’s as if his line of reasoning has genuinely stumped her. 

“Rey?”

“Will you?” 

“I… _sleep_?”

“You’re warm. And soft. And comfy.”

Her hand grabs at the inside of his elbow and she leans the side of her head into the crook of his arm. 

All the restraint in the world wouldn’t help him. 

He tells himself to not think too hard about what he’s doing. She’d be far more sentient and like her normal self when she woke. She would forget this even happened. And so should he. 

But then she curled up beside him on her bed as if  _ he  _ was the bed and the mattress was simply an afterthought. She nuzzled her swollen face into his chest and he had never felt anything more perfect. 

And then the world came crashing down. 

He was falling in love with her. 

* * *

  
  


When Rey wakes, she notices a multitude of things at once.  _ First _ , her mouth hurts like a bitch.  _ Second _ , she really has to pee.  _ Third _ , she’s starving. And,  _ fourth… _

_ Shit _ . 

While she was technically laying on her bed, her body was currently residing on Ben Solo more than her actual mattress. 

And he was content as can be, snoozing away with his head tucked into the top of hers and both his arms holding her securely to his side. 

And,  _ oh _ , how she’d give anything to just lay there forever. 

But her body wouldn’t allow it. 

She manages to weasel her way off the bed without disturbing Ben. After cleaning up and using the restroom, she examined her mouth. 

She didn’t look long. It reminded her too much of raw meat. 

Before she leaves the bathroom, she hears Ben in the kitchen. 

She knows her cheeks have to match the shade he has turned. 

But neither one mentions their little nap. 

“Sore?” Ben asks, noticing her frown. 

“Very.”

“Here. I’d advise eating something first. Pain meds on an empty stomach isn’t the greatest combination.”

“I have a little smoothie pack in the fridge,” Rey nods, and Ben’s spinning around to get it for her before she can move. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

The time spent pulverizing the mixture of fruit and veggies gives her enough of a reprieve to analyze the situation. Would Ben stay? 

He didn’t need to. She would get a little loopy from pain meds now, but the mental effects of the anesthesia had worn off with her nap. 

She found herself disappointed at the thought of him leaving, though. 

“There’s plenty more ready to go in the fridge if you’d like one,” Rey tells him. “I’ve also got leftovers… there’s stuff for steak fajitas from Tuesday… and I have tons of harvest soup. It’s got all kinds of, like… squash and pumpkin and sweet potato in it—“

“I’ll eat, I promise,” Ben smiles. “I’m more concerned with you getting that smoothie and that pill down at the moment.”

“It’s not too bad,” She informs him. “Different type of pain than I’d imagined. I feel like someone totally dislodged my jaw and ran over it with a semi.”

“So, just like a paper cut?”

Rey grins. 

“Essentially.”

She notices the way his frame nearly has to kneel to look inside her fridge, and a random movement reminds her of taking his arm into her hands and resting her head on his chest. 

Oh, god. 

Had she really done that?

“You okay?” He asks her, and she realizes her overthinking had led her to stare at her smoothie for what felt like the last five minutes. 

“Yeah,” She hurries to turn around and find a glass. “Apparently, the anesthesia hasn’t totally left my body yet.”

“You  _ seem _ more coherent now.” 

“That must mean I was completely out of my mind earlier,” she frowns. “I remember some bits.”

The worst bits. 

Or possibly the best. 

“I… we, well  _ you _ ,” he begins then stops, taking a deep breath. “In case you, um… you don’t remember and you were wondering… why I was in the bed, too… I promise you asked… and I would’ve  _ never _ attempted to do anything—“

“Oh,” Rey’s face feels like it’s on fire. “No, of course not. I know. I remember, I think.”

He nods. 

“Yeah. I think the words ‘warm’ and ‘soft’ are what you used in your argument.”

“Oh, _god_.” Rey groans. 

“There are far worse adjectives that you could use for me, so don’t sweat it,” Ben laughs. “You should still be calling me an asshole.”

“You’ve done way more than necessary to prove you’re not,” Rey shakes her head. “You had an asshole moment. That doesn’t make you an asshole. Insisting you receive some monumental punishment, however… that points to masochism. Is there something you need to tell me, Ben?”

Ben raises his eyebrows before laughing loudly, shaking his head. 

“Pretty sure that’s not my style,” He grins, but then shakes his head and sighs. “And I’m working on it. But, I don’t think I’ll ever get over what I said. What I did.”

“Ben. Do you think I’d let you near me or give you the time of day if it was genuinely something that necessitated the level of punishment you’re suggesting? Because I wouldn’t. You’ve done more than enough. Hell, at this point, I’ll owe you for the rest of eternity. You’re basically babysitting me right now.”

“You owe me nothing,” He shakes his head adamantly. “Rey, I would take any opportunity to spend time with you. Even your current state… chipmunk-cheeked and slightly inebriated.”

She watches his face for a moment, and notices him flush and immediately turn his head… as if he hadn’t really intended to say any of that aloud. Her heart flutters in her chest and it’s the only time any abnormal heart rhythm has felt good. Because even though she wasn’t about to admit it, she would also use any excuse in the book to spend just one second more with Ben Solo.

Her own face feels as hot as Ben’s looks. 

To distract herself, she takes a tentative sip of her smoothie and takes the pain pill. 

“It might be the situation, but this is the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted.”

Ben laughs. 

“It’s definitely the situation. But, I’m glad you like it.”

She hears her phone ring and races to grab it from her bedroom. 

“Hi, mom,” she answers, bringing the phone back into her kitchen and putting her mom on speaker so she could continue drinking her smoothie. “I’m perfectly fine, before you ask.”

“You sound good,” her mom’s voice is loud enough to rattle the tiny phone’s speakers. “Less loopy. Benjamin called and let you try and say hi earlier.”

“I have no recollection of that.”

Her mom laughs and Rey watches a smile grow on Ben’s face. 

“Have you eaten? Are you hurting? Nauseous? Have you done an EKG since you’ve been back?”

She watches Ben’s smile grow. She notices him preparing two bowls of her soup instead of just one. 

“I’m eating now… I had smoothie packets made up. And it looks like Ben’s gearing up some of my soup, too. Hurting a little bit, but I just took a pill. Not nauseous, and I’ll do an EKG after I eat.”

“You didn’t do one earlier?” Her mom asks. 

“No-“

“You did… in the car when I picked up your meds at the pharmacy. You probably don’t remember it.”

“Hi, Benjamin!” Her mom announces. 

“Hi, Miss Kanata.”

“Oh, stop it with that. You call me Maz.”

Rey feels her face heat. 

“Well, clearly I had one and it was fine.”

“It said it was normal.” Ben nods. 

“How are  _ you _ feeling, momma?” Rey redirects the conversation. 

“Better,” Maz coughs ironically. “I have no more fever, so I should be able to come see you in the next few days as long as things keep going well.”

“Take your time and rest,” Rey shakes her head, even though her mom can’t see her. “I’m fine. Really. I have my babysitter here, plenty of pain meds and drinkable nutrition. I’m set.”

Maz laughs. 

“Well, just call me when you wake up in the morning. Or if you need anything through the night. I mean it, honey. Benjamin, make her call me if she needs anything! I don’t care what time it is!”

Rey opens her mouth to protest, because they hadn’t discussed him staying, and the surprise on his face lets her know he hadn’t thought about it either. 

“I will,” he finally speaks up, and she watches his throat bob as he swallows nervously. “Promise.”

“Good,” she answers back. “Well, I’ll let you go, honey. Get some rest. I love you.”

“Love you, mom.”

“Bye, honey. Bye, Benjamin!”

“Bye!” The both answer and Rey ends the call. 

Ben lays a bowl of soup in front of her before sitting down on the opposite end of her couch. 

“You really don’t have to stay,” Rey starts. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. My mom just worries incessantly—“

“As she should,” Ben replies. “It’s what moms do. But, it’s really no big deal. I’d figured it was a possibility, depending on how you reacted to the anesthesia. I have a bag in my car.”

Rey’s silence only seems to heighten Ben’s anxiety. 

“Unless you’d be uncomfortable with me staying—“

“Of course not,” Rey shakes her head. “I just didn’t want to put you out.”

“You aren’t. Consider it part of my ongoing attempt to repay an endless debt.”

Rey’s own smirk grows as she watches Ben’s. 

“Here we go again with the masochism. It’s beginning to worry me, Benjamin.”

They both laugh and Rey feels a sort of warmth flood her body. Her limbs feel…  _ flowy  _ in a way. It’s like numbness, but she’s not numb at all.

“I think the pain pill is kicking in.” She deduces.

“Feeling good?” Ben snorts. 

“I feel  _ phenomenal _ ,” Rey laughs. “My limbs feel like clouds.”

“In a good way?”

“Definitely.”

She takes a tentative bite of the soup. 

“This is really good,” she remarks as her eyes comically widen. “Thank you, Benjamin.”

“Rey, you made the soup. I literally just put it in the microwave.”

“You did great,” Rey shakes her head adamantly. “It’s the perfect temperature.”

Ben laughs and notices a tiny smidge of orange on Rey’s chipmunk cheeks. 

“Here…”

He carefully leans in with one of the rags he’d gotten from her kitchen and dabs the little bit of orange off of her skin…

...and ends up staring at her eyes far too long. 

_ God _ , why was she so pretty?

“Is something wrong?” She asks. 

“No,” he assures her, clearing his throat. “There was just a little bit of soup.”

“Before I’m one hundred percent incoherent,” Rey starts. “I’m just gonna let you know that it’s a good possibility I’ll fall asleep right after finishing this soup.”

“Thanks for the warning,” Ben laughs, turning back to his own bowl. She was an insanely good cook. If he had any skills at all in the kitchen, he’d get her recipe. “Will you be okay while I go grab my bag?”

“I don’t know… I might get Superman syndrome and try a few back handsprings.”

“So you’re a practiced gymnast?”

“I could pull off a mean cartwheel back in the day.”

“Well, no cartwheels until I return.”

“Gotcha.”

Ben assures himself that while she’s intoxicated, she has enough self-preservation instinct to not attempt anything crazy whether he’s there or not. 

It still doesn’t stop him from racing out to his car and back fast enough to qualify for the Olympics. 

When he returns, instead of finding her mid-somersault, he finds her slouched across the couch, laying across the sweatshirt he’d removed earlier.

He sets his things down before attempting to wake her enough to get her to go to bed. 

“Rey…”

“M’sleep.”

“You’re talking to me, which means you’re somewhat awake.”

“Nope.”

“Rey, you need to go sleep in your bed,” Ben laughs. “God knows you’d roll off your couch and slam your face against your coffee table.”

She sighs. 

“Fine.”

“And you need to rinse your mouth out again.”

“You know, I might just take you up on the masochism.”

Ben laughs.

“You can torture me all you want as long as you go rinse your mouth out and go to bed.”

“I’m holding you to that,” she groans as she forces herself upwards and then stands. She wobbled after a first step, causing Ben to snap his arms out to her waist. “I’m thinking half a pain pill would’ve been plenty…”

Ben chuckles. 

“Clearly,” he reluctantly lets go and watches as she grabs a few things from her bedroom before walking into her bathroom and shutting the door. “If you need me, just yell. I’m gonna change out here really quick.”

Rey mumbles an understanding and Ben hurries to change into pajamas. 

He hears her bathroom door open a few minutes later and watches her walk into the living room where he was putting his clothes from earlier back in his bag. 

“Ben?”

He notices she’s not keeping eye contact and she’s got her arms hugged around her. Her demeanor has completely changed, and the hair on the back of his neck stands in response.

“What’s wrong?”

Her head raises at that, along with one surprised eyebrow. 

“Nothing, it’s… it’s silly,” she shakes her head, her eyes blinking very slowly. He could tell she was tired. “These pills… they, um… it’s weird. My hairbrush was too close to the edge of my counter and fell… and I nearly had a heart attack. Over a hairbrush.”

“Shit,” he stands, walking over to her. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she shakes her head, and he knows she isn’t. “It’s… now, I have all of these what-if scenarios in my head. What if I roll over and hit my jaw somehow and start to bleed and don’t even realize it until I’ve nearly bled out? Or what if I get a PE in the middle of the night and I wake up and can’t breathe? Or what if—“

“Hey,” he stops her by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his chest. “It’s the medicine. You’re alright. Nothing is going to happen.”

“Like, realistically, I know that, but my brain won’t fucking shut up about it.” Her voice breaks at the end of her rant, and he holds her a little tighter. 

“Do you want me to make you some tea? Call your mom for you? If you wanna sleep out here, I’ll stay on the floor beside you so that you won’t get scared—“

“No, no, I just,” she takes a deep breath, and he can tell she has no bra on, and he almost takes the time to physically smack himself for even having that thought. “Will you stay with me?”

He’d had many thoughts about sleeping with Rey, and he made sure to bury them deep within his subconscious because he knew they’d never be entertained. 

But now…

“Of course,” he shakes his head. “Of course. Just give me a minute to brush my teeth and I’ll be right in.”

Once safely shut inside her bathroom, Ben nearly has a meltdown. 

Of all the things she wanted to calm her down and reassure her safety…

She wanted  _ him _ . 

And  _ god _ if that didn’t make him fucking giddy. 

But there was a dangerous line he was approaching with Rey. On one side of the line, he felt he needed to be there for her for whatever she needed. Like it was his personal life debt not only to her, but to his brother. He almost forgot that part of Poe still lived in Rey. Rey was keeping part of him alive. That alone was a gift incapable of repaying. But Poe had given a gift too. Ben couldn’t imagine a world without Rey Kanata in it. Headstrong, intelligent, brave,  _ strong _ Rey Kanata…

And that brought him to the other side of the line. 

He had feelings for Rey beyond what was platonic. Hell, he’d even admitted to himself that he was falling in love with her. 

But why did it feel wrong?

He forces himself out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth and walks towards Rey’s door. He’d almost hoped she’d fallen asleep again. That way he wouldn’t feel guilty for sleeping beside her with harbored feelings. But, he knew he’d feel guilty if she woke up afraid and he’d not been there. 

She was still awake, though. Waiting. Sitting patiently at the foot of the bed with her knees pulled to her chest. He’d assumed she had on shorts under the giant t-shirt he’d noticed earlier, but the way she sat disproved that hypothesis. He refused to let his eyes wander after making the realization. 

“I’m sorry if I’m being too-“ she starts. 

“Rey, it’s perfectly fine,” he assures her. “Just think… you’re even saving me from trying to fit on your tiny couch.”

He’s glad to see he’s managed a small smile from her. 

She climbs back toward the bed, and he moves toward the opposite side. 

Her bed was a standard sized bed, and therefore there was no way the two could sleep without some sort of interaction. After she shuts off the lights and they both suffer an awkward silence, he feels Rey shift and a gentle breath fall onto his neck. 

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I know this is far beyond a normal favor for anyone to pay.”

“I’d pay it again,” he tells her, nearly having his own heart problem when he feels her head nudge its way onto his chest. “This is the most entertaining weekend I’ve had in a while.”

She snorts. 

“Well, you’re welcome for the entertainment,” she sighs. “I’m so ridiculously tired and my mind still won’t shut off.”

“Lucky for you, I know a fool-proof method of making anyone fall asleep.”

“NPR?”

Ben laughs loudly, nearly knocking Rey’s head off of his chest in the process. 

“See? Entertainment,” he replies, and he can feel her smile. “Like I was saying… fool-proof method.”

He carefully reaches his hand over to her head, letting his fingertips sift through the hair and skim against her scalp. 

While some parts of his feelings for Rey he felt guilty about, this is what felt perfectly… perfect. Like there was nothing that could possibly make more sense than for Rey Kanata to be laying in his arms. 

“My mom used to do this when I was younger.” Rey tells him. 

“So did mine.”

He feels one of her arms reach out to ground herself, settling atop his chest. 

He’s never been more sated in his life. 

Until she begins to stir in her sleep.

She wasn't fully comatose yet, which meant she was still haphazardly moving around the bed and squirming around to find a comfortable position. In doing so, she'd inadvertently slid every inch of her ass along the front of his pajama bottoms while managing to render the giant t-shirt she had on as useless.

It sat miles above her hips, resting just above the bottom of her ribcage. 

He could see every inch of skin on her legs, miles of skin on her abdomen and her back. 

His body was on fire. 

He tried,  _ god help him _ , he tried to ignore it. He tried to move his body away from hers, but she would end up moving back to his like a magnet. 

There was no way he was going to let her wake up and find out how horrible he was. He managed to suffer through until she was less sentient, taking the first opportunity to scramble out of bed and into her bathroom. He turned on the cold water in the shower and stood on the opposite end, hoping the water would drown out his grunts.

He’d never been this worked up… even during his teenage years. 

His fist flies over his cock at a punishing pace, feeling guilty for feeling so strongly while Rey slept innocently in the next room. He could see every inch of her skin, feel the warmth of her body against his, feel her soft curves and her breath against his neck.

He could hear his name on her tongue… 

He comes harshly, covering the walls and the floor of her shower before collapsing against it. 

It takes everything in him to have enough energy to clean up and make his way back to her bedroom. 

He carefully slides his body back in beside her, and she automatically responds by subconsciously moving toward him. Before the guilt can fully settle in, her face burrows in further against his chest and she wraps her arm around him to anchor herself. 

He’s too exhausted, mentally and physically, to let the guilt win. He falls asleep in no time, feeling the gentle thud of her heartbeat against his side.

The next morning, she’s practically back to normal again. 

She doesn’t have the medication in her bloodstream to make her as open with him as she was before. She doesn’t ask him to lay with her, and she doesn’t need him for consolation now. 

Ben felt bereft.

“You’re sure you don’t need me to stay for the day?” He asks her, sat an annoyingly long distance away from her on the other end of her couch. 

“Finn’s coming over in a couple of hours,” She shakes her head. “He’s back from his conference in Anaheim.”

Ben nods, telling himself he shouldn’t feel jealous. He was a grown man. 

It didn’t do any good.

“Thank you for staying,” She tells him, crossing her arms over her chest. He could tell she was back to normal now since she had reverted to all of her nervous habits. “I really can’t thank you enough.”

He finishes tying his shoelaces before looking back up at her. 

“It was entertaining,” He smiles. “It’s always fun spending time with you, Rey.”

She flushes and looks back down at her feet. 

“I like spending time with you, too, Ben.”

He feels his throat tighten and his stomach fall to his feet. 

He knew that if she hadn’t had dental surgery, he wouldn’t have thought twice before kissing her, whether it was a good idea or not. 

He’s glad that he’s able to have restraint now, watching as another nervous habit shows itself as she scratches the skin behind her ear. 

“You promise you’ll call if you need anything?” He reiterates, and she nods.

“Promise.”

“I’ll see you on Thursday, then?” He asks, hoping to god he didn’t have to wait any longer than that. 

He’d go crazy.

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.” She nods, her puffy cheeks rounding out high on her cheekbones as she smiles. 

And  _ dammit _ , he doesn’t want to leave. 

So, he ends up acting without thinking.

He closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around her, relishing in how he can feel her muscles relax when he does. 

“I mean it,” He tells her while he’s still got her held to his chest. “Call me if you need anything at all.”

“I will.” He feels her voice against his chest.

Rey hopes her cheeks aren’t as red as they feel when he removes his arms from her body. 

“Thursday?” He asks again.

“Thursday.” She nods.

“Bye, Rey.”

“Bye, Ben.”

And even though she feels like it’s silly, she misses him the second he disappears from view. 

When she’s cleaning her living room later and notices he left his sweatshirt behind, lost in a mess of blankets by the end of her couch, she almost calls him.

But it smells like him, so she puts it on instead. 

Finn notices, but he also notices a difference in Rey’s demeanor. 

He doesn’t push it. 

And when Ben’s at home doing laundry that evening, he leaves his t-shirt from the night before out. 

He’s not ready to wash away the scent of her shampoo. So, he lays the t-shirt against his pillow before he goes to sleep and he dreams.

He dreams of freckles, hazel eyes, and coconut shampoo.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't know, a PE is a pulmonary embolism [blood clot in the lung(s)]. I don't think I used any other abbreviations/shortcuts... But I am a nurse, so sometimes I have to remind myself to use a normal human vocabulary. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! 
> 
> twitter: @kylouwu


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's sickeningly sweet, and it made me want to puke writing it. That's literally the entire chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of previously unmentioned character death

When Ben walks into the office Thursday morning, he’s _stupidly_ excited to see Rey. It had been an entire six days since he’d stayed with her after her having her wisdom teeth removed. 

And _god_ , he missed her.

He hoped it wasn’t just the inebriation that made her want to spend time with him. He hoped he wasn’t a complete idiot for thinking about asking her to dinner. A date, this time. He was lucky enough to have a friend in the restaurant business who had graciously offered to close off the balcony at one of his restaurants for Rey. He’d test his employees, wait staff, and cooks to make sure everything was safe for her. 

But when he saw her face, he was sure he’d have to make an uncomfortable call to Armitage to cancel. 

“Rey?”

Seeing him brings at least a small smile to her face, but it’s still clearly muted. 

“Good morning,” she smiles. “Took the Indian today?”

He follows her glance, and nervously runs his hands through his hair. 

“That obvious, huh?” He laughs. “This weekend is probably going to be the last decent one before it’s ten feet of snow.”

She only smiles in return. Normally, with any mention of the Indian, she’d be insisting that she’s up to a ride and that he was being a wimp for not taking her out on it yet. He had to admit, her plea was enticing. 

He was resolute on not caving until the helmet he’d ordered for her arrived. 

He studies her face a second longer before deciding there was definitely something wrong. 

“Is something up?” He asks. 

“It’s nothing,” she shakes her head. “I’m fine.”

He raises an eyebrow and folds both arms across his chest before leaning against her desk. 

“I’ve got all day.”

The hint of a smirk plays on her face before she rolls her eyes and sighs. 

“A boy I knew. We had the same cardiologist. He was on the list, too. Tamiri. He was younger than me. Fifteen.”

He can read her tone immediately and he frowns. 

“Here I am, almost twenty-three. And he’ll never make it to sixteen.”

“Rey, I’m so sorry.”

He watches her eyes water but her resolve holds. She shakes her head. 

“It just doesn’t make sense. It’s not fair that he died and I’m-“

“Don’t,” Ben stops her. “It isn’t fair that he’s passed away, but it has nothing to do with you.”

“It has _everything_ to do with me, Ben,” Her resolve begins to fade as tears threaten to spill from her eyes. “I will never deserve this. I could never in a million years be what this heart deserves.”

Her hand falls disgustedly on the tiny bit of her scar that’s visible from the neckline of her sweater. 

“Hey,” Ben furrows his eyebrows, confused at her behavior. He moves around to her side of the desk, sitting on the top of it beside her. “Where is this coming from? Huh?”

“Tamiri… he was ridiculously intelligent. On track to be a Rhodes scholar. Too kind for his own good. Optimistic to the end. Your brother was a star athlete, intelligent… a bright light for so many people. For you, for your parents. But Tamiri is gone. Poe is gone. And I’m here. And there’s nothing that I can do about it. You should still hate me, Ben. Your parents should hate me.”

“Rey.”

He wraps his arms around her and blinks furiously, willing himself to stay calm. 

He tries to put himself in her shoes. He knew this wasn’t her normal disposition. She’s seen another friend, a kid, die due to the same circumstance she used to be in. 

This was just grieving. 

“I never hated you to begin with,” His voice muffles into her hair. “And I could never hate you now. Or ever. I lo-“

Fuck. 

Now was not the appropriate time. 

“Rey, you are so important and so cherished and adored by so many people. Myself included. You can’t think like that.”

Once he feels her body shake from a sob, he makes a decision. 

“Look at me,” he moves to hold her out in front of him. “You’re understandably upset, but staying here in this drab office all day isn’t going to help. We’re taking the day off.”

Rey wipes haphazardly at her eyes. 

“We?”

“We,” Ben nods. “I’m gonna make a few calls. I’ll meet you back here in ten.”

“Ben, I can’t just take off… I was just off for—“

“Perks of being the boss,” Ben smirks. “I make the rules.”

A few calls later and Ben has the day set. 

Armitage’s father just happened to own the movie theater on fourth avenue, and it was 9:45 in the morning, which meant it would be otherwise vacant for the next two hours. One ‘please’ and a promise for a free tech consultation for Armitage’s restaurants later and he has the place booked. 

Another call to one of his mother’s friends and he has a private lane at the bowling alley booked for noon, with lunch delivered from another one of Armitage’s restaurants. 

Then, at three, he’d set up the big one. 

What should’ve been a quick call to his ‘uncle’ Lando ended up turning into a conversation asking him who his new girl was. 

Lando bought none of Ben’s shit excuses. 

“You and your girl are welcome on the Falcon any time,” he’d told Ben. “I’ll have it docked at the Bay and waiting on you at 3:00. Our cook, Joe, should be on the clock, too. What kind of food does your girl like?”

He made sure some of Rey’s coats she’d accidentally left at work were still in the office. Despite the day being the last warm one for a while, it would probably get chillier on the boat as the evening progressed. 

After dinner on the boat, they’d be able to watch the sunset over the bay. 

And she’d realize just how much he could never hate her. 

Or so Ben hoped. 

The scariest part of the entire plan was Rey’s mom. 

Ben had learned that whenever Rey was even slightly off, her mom would jump at the opportunity to come and console her daughter. He was glad Rey had her. 

But, also knowing how unreliable Rey could be with her cellphone whenever she was otherwise occupied, he knew Maz might start to worry if she couldn’t get through to Rey. Especially today, with the news she was given. 

“Benjamin! How are you? Is everything okay with Rey?”

“Everything’s fine,” He’d assured her. “She just seems a little down after the news. I thought about taking her out of the office for the day… letting her get some fresh air. I know how forgetful she can get with her phone, so I just wanted to let you know. You can call me if you need to get to her.”

“Oh, that girl,” Maz sighed. “Takes everything to heart. Thank you for letting me know. And thank you for looking after my baby. I know you care about her.”

“I do.” He’d told her, feeling his heart fly to his throat as he did. 

“And she may not have told you… but I know my girl. She cares for you. More than she might admit. All the girl talks about when she calls me. Ben, Ben, Ben…”

And that’s when he knew. 

Today, he would tell her he loved her. 

He just had _one_ more task. 

“Mitaka,” he called out to his receptionist. “You still have that extra helmet here for your bike?”

* * *

“Where are we going?” Rey raises a single eyebrow as they make their way to the parking garage. 

“It’s a surprise.”

He starts walking toward his bike, smiling when he sees where Mitaka has placed his extra helmet for Ben to use. 

“You’re joking,” Rey smiles wildly. “Really? I get to ride it?”

“You‘ll hold on to me. Promise?” He asks, making his face as stern as possible while grinning like an idiot at her excitement. 

“Promise.” She nods, giddy laughter bubbling out of her. 

He brings the helmet to her and helps her fasten it before putting his own on and helping her onto the bike. 

He climbs on and brings the engine to life, and Rey takes that as a cue to wrap her arms around his waist. Since the seat was at an angle, she was raised far enough to be able to rest her chin on his shoulder when she spoke to him. 

“Ready?” He calls out. 

“Punch it.” She grins. 

He laughs as they take off. 

She’s surprisingly silent as they drive through the city, and Ben checks periodically to make sure she’s okay. 

But as all the adrenaline that had crashed through her body begins to fade from her bloodstream, she feels oddly calm and serene. She’d nearly forgotten what having Ben’s body this close to her own felt like; it was just as perfect as before. Six days felt like a lifetime ago.

When they arrive at the movie theater, Ben drives around back and parks them in a tiny little lot reserved for employees. 

“A movie?” Rey raises an eyebrow, immediately thinking of the amount of people that would be inside. 

“I had one cleared,” Ben explains. “My friend’s father owns it, and owes me a favor, so… There won’t be anyone but us, and it’s been thoroughly cleaned.”

“Ben, you… wait,” Rey looks around and then adds everything up. “This is the one on 42nd street, isn’t it? The one with the really cool-”

“Yep,” Ben smiles. “Giant reclining seats.”

She should tell him it was too much. 

But she was _way_ too excited. 

And it had absolutely _nothing_ to do with watching a movie. 

Rey dons a mask while Ben gets drinks and a giant bag of popcorn, just in case someone was to walk up to her. He leads her to the elevator, where she can’t even stand still for excitement. 

“I haven’t even told you what we’re watching,” Ben laughs. “What’s the smile for?”

Rey raises an eyebrow.

“I haven’t taken my mask off yet...”

“I can tell,” Ben flushes, glancing down at the popcorn in his hands for a moment before looking back up at her. “It’s in the corners of your eyes.”

Rey smiles even wider behind her mask, and she decides to keep it on until she can feel her cheeks return to a normal temperature. 

When they walk into the theater, Rey _doesn’t_ squeal. 

Even though she’s dying to. 

The old Regal Cinemas theater on 42nd street was one of those places people drove hundreds of miles to come to. It was close to a hundred years old, but had obviously been renovated since. 

It wasn’t your typical movie theater. There weren’t seats, per se, but there were giant lounge chairs. Giant enough to fit both Rey _and_ Ben Solo. 

In all honesty, Rey could care less about the actual movie. In fact, she hadn’t actually thought about it since arriving. All she’d thought about was the opportunity she might get to snuggle on a giant lounge chair with Ben Solo. She’d only had the opportunity to snuggle with him twice, but it had easily become her two favorite experiences. 

And she’d been to Disney World _twice_.

She ends up staring at the enticing chair while Ben speaks to someone in the back of the cinema. All the adrenaline from the excitement had crossed over into the nervousness territory. 

“We’re all set,” Ben smiles, examining Rey a little further. “Is everything okay? I can take a different one, if you’re more comfortable with that.”

“We might as well go for three, right?” 

It takes Ben a second, but a smirk slowly forms on his face as he sits down carefully beside Rey. 

“Right,” He finally answers as the lights begin to fade, clearing his throat. “Just let me know whenever you want to go for four… or five. Or a hundred.”

There’s something about cuddling in an empty movie theater with a behemoth of a man who’s still in his work clothes, is admittedly the most attractive person you’ve ever laid eyes on, and is going out of his way and dropping everything on a Thursday to give you experiences you normally wouldn’t be able to have. A man who’s just inadvertently admitted he’d like to keep up the cuddling streak with you. 

It messes with you. 

Of course, he’d remembered her rant about how the 2005 version of Pride & Prejudice was a cinematic marvel and somehow managed to get that to play on the large screen. 

That meant nothing at the moment. She’d forgotten nearly everything. Her brain, which she didn’t tend to overly brag about, was typically a practical, well-oiled machine. 

Her mother had joked that she must’ve been born at the age of 38 and grown more middle-aged with every birthday. 

Right now, she was _certainly_ feeling her age. 

The sparse thoughts swirling around in her head revolved around one topic and one topic only:

Ben Solo’s body.

How _big_ it was. How _solid_ it was. What it would feel like pressed against hers in a variety of positions. The things she’d like to do with it. The things she’d like for it to do to _her_. 

The things she thought about were things she’d never even come close to thinking about before. 

She’d never wanted to think about them. She never had anyone, real or as a figment of her imagination, that held any sort of interest for her. 

Not until Ben Solo.

“You won’t believe me,” He leans over to whisper to her, just as Mr. Darcy asks Elizabeth what one should do to encourage affection. “But this was Poe’s favorite film. Favorite book.”

Rey attempts to look up at him, seeing his features only when the film is bright enough to illuminate them. 

“Really?” She arches an eyebrow. 

“You know he loved literature,” Ben smiles fondly. “And theater. But he also loved film. Which was a contradiction of sorts in this instance. He said the older version… the television series… he said it was more accurate. But, he said this film was just _more_. The cinematography, score, set design, costumes…”

“Your brother and I would’ve been best friends, I know it,” Rey smiles, and she feels Ben’s arm move from where it was resting above her head to land on her waist. “I’d have loved to get the chance to have known him.”

“I might’ve had to fight for your attention,” Ben laughs lightly, tightening his hand around her waist. “Learn to share.”

His other hand moves across her body to anchor to her waist just below the other. 

He literally had her wrapped in his arms. 

Death by melting. 

Rey is oddly okay with the idea.

By the time the movie is over, Rey has to fight the urge to pout. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to have to head back to work already.

But then she watches a mischievous smile form on Ben’s face.

“Ready for stop number two?”

“Two? Out of how many?” Rey narrows her eyes.

“I can’t disclose that information, Miss Kanata.”

And right when she thinks he can’t surprise her any more, he does. 

“Bowling?”

“All bowling balls have been sanitized, you have a new pair of shoes, and we have a private lane in the back.” 

One more surprise nearly makes her knees buckle. 

On their walk into the building, Ben lets his hand slide from the back of her arm down to her own hand, lacing his fingers through hers. 

She was glad Poe seemed to have a strong heart. 

Ben was definitely giving it a run for its money today. 

At some point during the time they spend bowling (or failing at bowling, in Rey’s case), Rey starts to put the pieces together regarding her feelings for Ben. 

She’s not sure if it’s when he kneels to the ground to help her with the bowling shoes, or when he insists on telling her she’s doing a great job when she rolls the ball into the gutter _every single time_ or when he has her favorite dish delivered from some insanely fancy restaurant she’d never been able to go to or when she catches him looking at her with the happiest smile on his face while she’s frowning because the only progress she’s made is to sink one single pin… 

Or even if it was before today. 

Somewhere in the midst of everything, she realizes it.

She’s in love.

The realization is worse when she considers how naive she’s been. 

This was something she’d completely written off in her life. No attachments. No relationships. No hurt. Her mother and Finn were the only two people that she was close to, and for good reason. She’d known both of them before she understood what her condition meant… before she understood that she shouldn’t have been close to them to begin with… before she understood that she could put them through unthinkable grief. 

She couldn’t do that to Ben Solo. 

All because she loved him. 

Because of the mental crisis, she doesn’t even remember the conversation they have or the drive, but somehow they’re at the marina and Ben’s leading her to one of the boats. 

“Rey?”

“Hmm?” 

“I asked if you were okay with this… I have dramamine in case you wanna take it beforehand.”

“I don’t think I’ll need it… I don’t usually get motion sickness.” She shakes her head.

He nods, but before they can step onto the boat, he looks back at her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rey assures him, sighing deeply. “I just… this is a lot, Ben.”

“If you’re uncomfortable, we can go,” He hurries. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no,” Rey laughs. “It’s the… you did all of this for me.”

“Rey, I promise… I get just as much out of this, if not more than you do,” He shakes his head. “I… I _really_ like spending time with you.”

And _fuck_ if her eyes don’t water at that.

“Rey?”

“We should talk… um, can we-”

She looks at the boat and he nods, quickly helping her on and leading her to the front. 

“I just need to get us out of the bay, give me a few minutes?”

She nods and wraps her arms around her body as she takes in the view. 

Ironic that their first meeting was when she was certain he was an irredeemable asshole and now she didn’t know anyone more selfless and kind. 

“Okay, we’ll be good for a while,” He tells her as he comes to sit beside her, a pile of pillows and blankets in his hands. The sun was only minutes away from setting and Ben had managed to move them out to a secluded area of the bay where they could barely see the city line behind them. “I brought these…”

“Thanks,” She tells him as he places one of the blankets around her and then puts distance between them. She has to fight the urge to not cry because she knows she’s pushed him away. “This view is incredible. This boat is incredible.”

“It’s my uncle’s,” he explains. “Well, not exactly my uncle, but that’s what we’ve always called him. Uncle Lando. He owns a few clubs downtown and a shit-ton of other businesses here and upstate.”

Rey smiles.

“I’m sorry,” He sighs, looking down at the water. “I told myself I was being too much… too forward. I didn’t mean… the _last_ thing I wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable, Rey.”

“No, you didn’t,” She shakes her head. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Then what’s going on?” 

“I… I could die. At any moment. My life expectancy is not that of your normal twenty-something.”

Ben’s eyebrows knit together.

“That’s… I mean, I can’t help my mom or Finn. They’re too far in at this point and-”

“ _That’s_ what this is about?” Ben’s voice is soft. 

“Ben, you don’t understand what… what that feels like. Being close to you… getting closer to you is the most selfish thing I could ever do.”

“Because I deserve more?” Ben scoffs. 

Rey blinks. 

“Have you ever considered that maybe I don’t want... whatever it is you think I deserve? Your self-righteousness is formidable, truly, but Rey… I want _you_.”

Rey’s mouth pops open but she has no coherent response, so she closes it. 

“I had hoped to tell you under _far_ different circumstances, but considering how we met, this makes total sense,” He sighs, laughing a little. “Rey. I _love_ you.”

Several moments pass and Ben is genuinely worried she’s suffering a malfunction. 

“You’re sure?” She finally manages.

She watches as the giant hand that had been playing with the hem of her shirt moves to hold hers. 

“Very.”

“I could die, like… at any second.”

“So could I. Do you know how much coffee I drink? You have better heart health than I do.”

“I’ve never been in a relationship.”

“Neither have I,” Ben scoffs. “Not a real one, anyways.”

“My mother will pester the living hell out of you.”

“Have you met _my_ mom, Rey?”

Rey laughs, but tears still fall from her eyes. Ben is quick to wipe them away. 

“I don’t like NPR.”

“Shit,” Ben sighs, standing up and dramatically running his hands through his hair. “In that case… we’re through.”

Rey’s tearful laughing turns into a squeal as he turns on a dime and lifts her out from under the pile of blankets she’d been halfway huddled under. He sits back down with her settled comfortably on his lap.

“ _You_ , Rey. I love _you._ And everything that comes with you.”

“Really?”

“I mean, we’ll work on the NPR thing, but-”

“I love you, Ben Solo,” Rey shakes her head, examining every feature on his face as she holds it gently between her two hands. She wanted to spend every waking moment of the foreseeable future memorizing every freckle, every mole, and every laugh line on his face. “God, I love you.”

She doesn’t even have time to panic about the fact that she’d never kissed anyone because he’s kissing her now, and _oh_ … it’s perfect. Maybe _this_ was what she wanted to spend every waking moment doing… 

As his mouth moves to her jawline, he pauses, his breath heavy on her skin.

“Rey. Is this safe?”

But his lips are still moving against her skin, and Rey can’t exactly register the fact that he’s asked a question at all.

“Rey, _baby…_ Is this okay?”

That gets her attention.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah.”

Ben snorts and pulls away from her neck.

“This is something we should discuss, Rey.”

Rey rolls her eyes.

Why did he have to be so responsible? 

“There’s a risk for infection if you ever get sick, like how my mom had to stay away when I had my wisdom teeth removed,” Rey explains, still catching her breath. “We’ve been around each other enough for me to have already been exposed to your normal flora and it hasn’t made me sick. That leaves… well, um… the other thing.”

“Sex.”

“Mhm, yep. That.” Rey squeaks.

“Rey, _relax_ ,” He laughs gently. “I’m not planning on ripping off your clothes and jumping you.”

Rey freezes for a moment.

“I wouldn’t be totally opposed to that idea.”

“Rey…” Ben narrows his eyes.

“It’s just a little cold out here is all.” She smirks.

“Don’t make me put you over my knee.” Ben returns her smirk.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Rey moves from where she was straddling his lap to raise his proposed target right to his line of sight.

“Jesus Christ, Rey,” Ben flattens his mouth and lets his hands gently skim over her clothed ass before pulling her back to kiss her. “Stay here. I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Where are you going?” Rey furrows her eyebrows.

“Turning the boat around. Docking.”

Rey raises an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“We’re going home.”

Rey’s smile drops.

“Home? Ben… I didn’t mean to… I was just being silly, I didn’t mean to make you-”

“No, Rey,” Ben shakes his head. “If you’re okay with it, I’d like to take you to my place for the night. We can pick up your things at your place on the way.”

“Oh,” Rey feels an immediate surge of relief. “Okay.”

A small smile creeps back onto her face before Ben speaks again.

“Don’t get too excited… _baby_ ,” He grins mischievously. “I’m still planning on taking you across my knee.”

And with that, he leaves to turn the boat around, leaving Rey with her mouth hanging wide open.

* * *

Rey’s entire body tingles as if it’s flooded with electricity as they make their way back through the city on Ben’s bike. The sun had just set and it was getting darker as he weaved through the city blocks. Her hormones were clearly in control of her body at the moment. She had gotten a fairly good feel in with her arms wrapped around Ben’s torso, so she’d decided to roam elsewhere. Right before they stopped at a stoplight, her hands reached his upper thighs and began to move toward each other, right above the band of his pants…

“Rey,” he murmured as they came to a stop. “Behave.”

“I’m already scheduled for punishment,” she leans in to whisper into his ear. “What’s one more offense?”

“One more offense might just get your reward taken away.” He explains factually.

“Reward?” Rey’s voice squeaks.

“If you’re good for me,” His voice rumbles, and she can feel it shake through his body. “I’ll make you come.”

Rey’s silence only spurs him on, and he laughs gently.

“But that won’t happen if you keep misbehaving and I have to ride the rest of the way home with a mess in my pants, _sweetheart_. Not to mention the driving impairment that could cause.”

“I can be good.” Rey feels her cheeks heat as she lays the side of her helmet against his back. 

“We’ll see.”

She uses the time gathering things from her apartment to collect her thoughts. 

Which instantly scatter again when she makes it to her underwear drawer. 

Picking doesn’t work out well, so she tries the random method of closing her eyes and reaching for something. 

Which would’ve left her with a tattered old grey pair of bikinis with neon pink hearts on them. 

She huffs and shoves a selection of safe and more risqué options into her bag, doing the same with bras. 

She’s so worried about her clothing that she nearly forgets her meds and her emergency kit, but grabs them on her way out. 

Before climbing back on Ben’s bike, she anchors the bag around her body. 

When they arrive at Ben’s house and he’s putting their helmets away in his garage, he abruptly stops what he’s doing, turns to face Rey and kisses her before she can even think twice. 

Rey melts once more. 

She’d learned now that the thing he did with his hands must be a habit of his. He held the sides of her face, jaw, and part of her neck (he had ridiculously large hands) when he kissed her… like she might disappear at any second. 

Which was a silly idea. 

“I love you.” He pulls away just before Rey can get started. 

“I love you, too.”

“I was thinking,” he looks over to her bag. “Maybe… maybe we could have one of those here. Your emergency bag, I mean. I think I have a thermometer… though it’s not a good one. I’d wanna get you a better one, and I could get-“

He can’t finish his statement, because she’s kissing him this time, and he’s stupidly happy again… but then he feels the tears hit his lips. 

“Rey?”

“Sorry,” She wipes at her eyes. “I’m just… It’s weird to have someone other than my mom… or Finn…”

“Rey, I _love_ you.”

“I know, I’m… I’m just not used to it yet.”

“C’mon, let’s get you to-”

He stops and pulls his phone from his back pocket and Rey watches his face become pale.

"Fuck."

“What is it?”

“My parents are on their way over.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @kylouwu


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These kids have a lot of sexual frustration to work through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: explicit sexual content

“What’s your plan?” Rey asks, nervously hovering in one corner of Ben’s living room while Ben paces back and forth.

“You came over for dinner?” He seems to ask himself. “I mean, it’s only 8:40. We had dinner at 7:30…”

“Won’t your Uncle Lando tell them?”

“Possibly.”

“We could tell them… a version of the truth. I wasn’t feeling too hot today and you decided to take me to some of your favorite spots to distract me.”

Ben stops pacing at that.

“We just got back,” Ben nods. “I’ll say I got us out a little too far on the boat and now we came back for a late dinner.”

Rey nods just as his doorbell begins to chime. Repeatedly.

“I’m coming!” Ben yells, shaking his head. “Jesus.”

Rey crosses her arms nervously, only uncrossing them when Leia and Han walk in behind Ben. 

“Rey? Oh, it’s so good to see you, sweetheart!” Leia smiles, walking over to sit beside her.

“Long work day?” Han asks his son, and even Rey can see the insinuation written all over his face.

“Short one, actually,” Ben answers honestly, trying his best to seem nonchalant. 

“I, um… I got some rough news this morning so Ben offered to get me out of the office… get my mind off things.” Rey explains.

Leia frowns.

“Is everything alright?”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Rey shakes her head. “It was a kid I knew. He was on the list, too.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, honey.” Leia places her hand over Rey’s. 

“He was a good kid.” Rey offers a small smile. 

“We went out on the Falcon,” Ben speaks up. “Since Lando owes me one.”

Han’s face lights up.

“That boat is partly mine.” He informs everyone.

“Sure it is, dear.” Leia rolls her eyes.

“What’d you think of it?” He asks Rey.

“It’s beautiful,” Rey flushes, remembering the boat for completely obscene reasons. “I’ve never been out on one before, so it was really fun.”

“Almost got out a bit too far,” Ben snorts. “Which is why we’re just getting back.”

“Well, we won’t keep you then,” Leia announces and Han raises an eyebrow. “We were passing through on our way home and just wanted to check on this one.”

She motions toward Ben, who seems just as surprised as Rey is that she’s giving up that easy. 

“Don’t be in a hurry,” He even adds, clearly smug about pulling one over on his mother.

“Well, I’m sure you’re both tired and all,” Leia shakes her head. “And Rey will still have the journey home.”

Shit.

“Right.” Ben manages. 

Rey’s traitorous face turns red as she remains silent. Ben simply follows his parents back towards his front door. 

Leia is whispering, but Rey can hear every word. 

“If she’s staying here, you be good to her, son. If I find out you’ve made unwanted advances or--”

“ _Mom_.”

“I will cut it off. Try me.”

“Jesus, mother,” She hears Ben huff, and Rey buries her head in her hands in secondhand embarrassment. “I’d never do that. You _know_ that.”

“Well,” Leia sighs. “Be good to her, son. We love that girl.”

The next thing she hears is his front door opening and closing. 

She glances at Ben apprehensively when he walks back into the living room. 

“That was…”

“Interesting,” Rey swallows, now feeling shy again. “Very, um… Interesting. _Should_ I go home?”

Ben raises his eyebrows. 

“If you want to go home, then yes,” He shakes his head. “If you want to stay, you’re more than welcome to stay.”

Rey nods. 

“You know I love you, right?” He asks, reaching his hands out to hers as she stands. “That means if you want to stay and just go to sleep… I mean, today has been a lot. That’s what we’ll do. There are no conditions involved in you staying here… in me loving you.” 

“I’m not used to staying anywhere but my place or my mom’s,” Rey explains. “But I feel safe with you, so… I’d like to stay.”

“You should always feel safe with me,” Ben smiles, pulling further at Rey’s hands so that she’s standing closer to him. “I’ll always be here for you.”

He pulls her arms until her chest meets his, and her arms wrap around his body. His wrap around her shoulders, pulling her even closer. She wonders just how close she can get. If it were possible, she’d be totally fine with getting lost while hugging Ben Solo. 

“I’ll take the bathroom across the hall,” He tells her, not bothering to loosen his grip around her body. “In case you want to take a shower or anything, there’s towels on the shelves by the door and extra toothbrushes and stuff in the cabinet under one of the sinks.”

Rey nods, but it takes a moment for him to actually let her loose. 

She decides on a shower to attempt to loosen her tight muscles from an eventful day. 

It does little; she can’t stop thinking about the things Ben had told her. The promises of things that both scared and excited her.

She puts on a cami and old pair of shorts after showering, but then catches a glimpse of her scar in the bathroom mirror and frowns before grabbing a t-shirt from her bag.

But then, the longer she stares at it, she decides it might as well be now or never.

If he loves her, he won’t care… right?

Still, after she takes her nightly slew of medicine, she finds herself sitting on the edge of his bed, listening to the sounds of the shower running in the spare bedroom with her arms resting over her chest. 

When he finally makes his way back in with boxers and a t-shirt on, she still has her arms held protectively over her chest.

“You okay?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Mhm,” she moves her hand to hold her head up, trying to make her concealment efforts seem more covert. “I’m good.”

He studies her for a second more before climbing into the opposite side of the bed. 

“Rey,” Ben begins. Rey offers a noncommittal hum as an answer. “Look at me.”

She does so, reluctantly. 

Fear is written as plain as day across her face. It’s more visible to him than the tip of the scar peeking from under her hands. 

“You’re beautiful. Every part of you.”

“It’ll take… to completely heal, I mean,” She begins, stammering. “It’ll take a few years. Dr. Harris gave me this cream that I put on every morning to help make sure excess scarring doesn’t--”

“Rey,” Ben stops her, shaking his head. “I… I know it’s stupid for me to ask you to not be self-conscious, but… I want you to feel _more_ comfortable around me, not less. There is no disease process, deformity, or little _scar_ that could ever make me love you less or see you as anything less than ridiculously attractive.”

Rey’s knee-jerk reaction is to laugh loudly. 

“You think I’m joking?” Ben raises an eyebrow, smirking.

“I mean, I know I’m not ugly,” Rey rolls her eyes. “Or at least I sincerely hope I’m not… I could be a little less thin in some places and a little more in others but—“

“If you only knew how many times… I’m horrible, I know, but how many times I’ve stared at your tits or your ass… or thought about them when you’re not around.”

“You’re joking.” Rey raises an eyebrow, flushing furiously. 

“I _defiled_ your shower,” he admits sheepishly. “After your wisdom teeth removal. I just… you were sleeping in just a t-shirt and a tiny little pair of underwear and I could tell you had no bra on and you literally rubbed your ass against me, and I just… I waited until I knew you were asleep and snuck off for just a little bit…”

Rey can see the image in her head. A giant Ben trying to fit in her shower just to touch himself because of her. 

Her head swims in the information. 

“I just… there was no way I’d make it the whole night with you sleeping on me if I didn’t…”

“Oh,” Rey finally responds, cheeks flaming. 

She nearly pukes from nervousness, but she lets her hand wander to his thigh, moving upward at an agonizingly slow pace. 

Ben turns his head toward her, slowly. 

“Rey…”

“I’ve never… seen one… done this...”

“Jesus,” Ben chokes as her tiny, featherlight hand finally lands over the hardening bulge in his boxers. “Rey, you don’t have to—“

“It feels... big,” Rey can barely breathe. She was thankful that Ben was clearly the type to want to be careful with her and take things slow. He was a giant. _Everywhere_. “And hard.”

“Fuck,” Ben hisses as Rey squeezes tentatively. He almost laughs at the shift in power. Wasn’t he promising her a punishment earlier? “Rey…”

She pulls the waistband of his boxers down and frees him, like she’s ripping off a bandaid. 

The sight makes the dampness between her legs grow. 

“Tell me how to do this,” She begins, her voice barely a whisper. “Tell me how you touched yourself in my shower.”

“Rey,” Ben groans loudly, his arms nearly buckling under his own weight as he struggles to compose himself. He doesn’t bother with instructions. It seemed she knew exactly what she was doing. “I… it was quick… I wanted to get back to you.”

Rey continues with her hands’ movements, moving her body to lay partially against his. 

Ben moves his hands to either side of her face, pulling it quickly to his and letting his mouth slant against hers, taking no prisoners. 

She’d just learned what kissing Ben Solo was like and it felt like the limits kept reaching higher and higher. It was hardly possible that one person could make her feel so _alive…_ so tangible. He kissed her like she was air and his lungs had forever been bereft. 

And she had _no_ issues with that.

Ben’s hands gripped Rey’s face as if he’d found the eighth wonder of the world. 

But he had other wonders to discover. 

His hands wander lower and lower as Rey’s hands seem to learn _exactly_ what sets Ben off. He had some learning to do, too.

Ben’s lips trail from hers to her jawline, to her neck, and then to her collarbone. He senses her stiffen, just for a moment, before he kisses the tip of her scar. 

“I love you,” He whispers as a reminder, watching as he helps her pull her shirt off. “You’re beautiful.”

Once her muscles relax, he continues, letting his lips map down the length of her scar before traveling back up and moving to her breasts. 

Hearing her little gasps and feeling her hand stop and start on his cock as his lips and tongue begin a gentle assault on her chest only fuels him further. 

She needed to come before he did. He wasn’t sure if he’d be coherent enough after his own explosion to do what he wanted to do to her. 

When his lips move lower, he begins to snake his body further down the bed. 

“Ben?”

God help him, it almost sounded as if she was personally offended that his cock had slipped from her hand. 

“Did I do something wrong?” She asks.

“No,” Ben snorts. “I needed to take a break or it would’ve been over before it barely began.”

“Oh,” Rey flushes, looking everywhere but him as he continues to make his way to his intended target, leaving kisses along her torso. “Then what are you doing?”

“Rey, you’re a smart girl,” He kisses her hip bones, one by one. “I think you know what I’m doing.”

His hands loop into each side of her shorts and underwear before he begins to pull.

“You don’t have to…” Rey begins, looking down at Ben with his mop of lush, wavy black hair.

“You think I don’t really want to?” He wonders, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, I… I mean, it’s a widely accepted fact,” Rey begins, fidgeting but still allowing Ben to remove her clothing. “Guys don’t typically like… _that_.”

“I’ve never been against it,” he informs her, kissing her inner thigh. “But I can guarantee you I’ve never wanted to do it as badly as I do now.”

Rey’s legs press together, muscles tightening as she chases a feeling low in her belly. 

“Let me make you feel good, Rey,” Ben wedges a hand between her legs but makes no effort to open them. “If you don’t like it, we’ll stop. I promise.”

Rey feels like she might pass out from some overwhelming sense of embarrassment and awkwardness, but she spreads her legs nonetheless. 

Ben stares for a long moment... it's like he's seeing seeing a priceless work of art for the first time. She was so pink and soft and _wet_. The shade of pink on her cheeks matched the same hue between her legs, and he was sure it was now his favorite color. No longer able to refrain, he kisses her just once, precisely between her legs. 

“Oh,” she gasps, head flying up off the pillow to look at him. 

“Good?” He asks, a wolfish grin spreading across his face. He hoped it was more than just good. 

Rey flushes and lays her head back down. _Too good_ , she thinks. 

Then, he brings his tongue into the mix. Pink was now his favorite flavor, too.

She flies off the bed once more, air leaving her lungs in an even louder gasp. He tries to calm her, leaving light kisses all around her labia. 

“ _Relax_ , baby.”

His hands massage her inner thighs, so torturously close to where she wants them. And god help her, she tries to relax. To calm down. But she can’t. 

She knew the stereotypes. The whining and clearly overperformed vocals that most women would adopt to please their partner… but there was _nothing_ rehearsed about the noises that she’d started to make. 

“Ben,” she whines. “Please…”

Ben realizes then that he'd never be able to tell her no. He was totally and completely wrapped around her finger.

“Anything. Tell me, baby.”

“Don’t stop… _please_.”

He dives back in, this time taking no prisoners. His tongue glides gently but forcefully over every part of her, knowing exactly where to focus and how to set her very soul on fire. 

He’s fairly certain she’s alright with what he’s doing, but he pulls away for a moment, just in case. 

“Rey? Baby, are you—“

“ _No_ ! Don’t stop,” she lunges off the bed, nearly crying. “Please… _please_ , Ben…”

His eyes widen at the state of her... totally unraveled. He resumes immediately once he’s taken in the fact that she’s so desperate. For him. 

All the while, Rey feels like she’s dying. 

But in the best way possible. 

As if she’s hurtling toward the edge of a cliff where she’ll fall and fall and fall…

She feels one of his hands move just below where his mouth was, but she doesn’t put any of the clues together until his finger begins to barely press inside. 

“Rey,” he manages, not stopping for long. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” she doesn’t even think before answering. “Yes, please… Yes, Ben… Oh, _god_ …”

He lets one finger slip inside, and he nearly comes on the spot. 

She was incomprehensibly tight. But he slid inside with ease; she’d gotten so wet he was racing to catch and taste all she was giving him. 

He doesn’t get to explore or bask in the feeling long. Rey gasps loudly, her back arches from the bed, and her hands fly to Ben’s head. She grasps his hair to hold him in place as her legs tighten around him. 

“Ben,” she manages, as if she can’t breathe. “I…”

“That’s it,” he manages to coo, able to tilt his head enough to get a good look at her. “Good girl. Such a good girl, letting me make you come…”

She’s stopped falling, but now she feels like she’s floating… in and out of consciousness. 

Her legs relax a bit, but tighten periodically as aftershocks flow through her body. 

“Good girl,” Ben kisses her thigh once they’ve completely relaxed. “So pretty. Did so good, didn’t you, baby?”

But Rey is incoherent. She’s drunk with satiation, spread out, legs akimbo as if a fawn. 

She mumbles incoherently. 

“Ben…”

_His_ name. That’s all it takes. 

“Fuck,” he whispers, hand subconsciously flying to his cock. He needed… “Rey, baby… I’m… can I come on you?”

It takes her a second, his sweet, tired girl, but she manages to open her eyes and look at him lazily, nodding her head. 

“Wanna see,” she continues to nod, then moves her hands out of the way as if to present her entire body for him to mark as his. “Please.”

And so he does.

“Rey,” he chokes, falling onto one arm, hovering just above her. Their eyes watch, entranced, as he covers her torso, chest, and the small patch of hair between her legs in hot, white heat. “Baby…”

He falls onto his back beside her, feeling far too close to slipping into oblivion. He reaches for the shirt he’d discarded earlier, down on the floor. 

“Ben?” Rey murmurs lazily. 

“Just getting something to clean you up,” he whispers, leaning over to kiss her forehead as he cleans her. He smirks as he surveys the mess. He’d set a record. All because of her. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Mhm,” she nods, eyes closed. “Sleepy.”

He smiles, hoping to commit the look on her face to memory. She was _so_ beautiful. 

“Go to sleep,” he tells her. “I’m right behind you.”

“Ben?” 

“Yeah?”

“Love you.”

Ben could beat against his chest like some primitive ape. He really could. But he just laughs and smiles. 

“And I love you, Rey,” he kisses her once more. “Goodnight.”

* * *

  
  


Warmth. 

_Stifling_ heat. 

Ben only registers the temperature upon first waking up. 

But then he feels slow, rhythmic breathing and a steady, strong heartbeat against the top of his rib cage. Rey’s heart. The love of his life’s heart. 

Poe’s heart. 

She’s spread out like a fawn again from the waist down, but one of her arms is tucked against his side while the other stretches across his torso. 

He nearly cries, then nearly laughs. 

He wasn’t about to cry the ‘morning after’. 

When he hears his phone vibrate on his nightstand, he nearly does cry. He does _not_ want to move. 

He’s able to stretch his arm and grab the phone, rolling his eyes harshly when he sees his father’s name pop up. 

“Yes?” Ben answers quietly but irritatingly. 

“Good morning to you, too,” Han scoffs. “What’s the whispering for? Espionage?”

“It’s early.” Ben answers evasively. 

“Hmph,” Han grumbles. “Well, your mother is making brunch in a couple hours. She wanted to invite you.”

He didn’t plan on moving the entire day. 

“I don’t know, dad.”

He feels Rey stir and reaches a hand down to run through her hair. 

“Oh, come on, kid,” Han groans. “She feels bad for jumping on to you last night and making assumptions—“

“Ben?”

Ben freezes and looks down at Rey, still somewhat asleep as she nuzzles her head further into his chest. 

Loud, horrific, blood-curdling laughter sounds off from his phone and Ben sighs before holding it out far enough and long enough for his father to get it out of his system. 

“What?” Ben sighs once Han stops for air. 

“Your mother is never wrong, but I thought she’d taken a loss for the first time last night,” He chuckles. “Looks like she’s still going strong.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ben remains calm, his face blood red. At least his father couldn’t see his face. 

“Two hours,” Han continues to laugh. “Bring Rey. Your mom and I would love to see her again.”

“Dad, I don’t know…”

“Y’kay, Ben?” Rey mumbles again, reaching her hands out to make sure he was still beneath her. 

He sighs and gives in. 

“I’m okay,” he whispers down at her. “Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

It’s silent for a moment and Ben begins to think he’s been quiet enough to get away with it. 

“Come over for brunch. Two hours. Bring the sweetheart.”

The line disconnects and Ben fights the urge to throw the phone out the window. 

He stretches over to place it back on his nightstand, in one piece. 

He succumbs back into the blazing heat of the covers, and of Rey. She was a flaming furnace and he was stifling. 

But it was _perfect_. 

He wraps one arm around her body as the other lazily combs through her hair. 

After a few minutes, she begins to stir and become more coherent. As she realizes her surroundings she startles, her hand freezing as it stretches across his chest. But then she relaxes and settles back against him. 

“Good morning.” He chuckles. 

“Morning,” she looks over to the clock and he can feel her body heat amplify. “God… did I really sleep that long?”

“You did, as a matter of fact.”

“We’re still naked,” she notes, writhing against his body. “I liked last night.”

He’d managed to keep himself at half mast so far, but there was no turning back now. 

“Would you like a repeat performance?”

He watches the air leave her lungs before she composes herself and shakes her head. 

“I thought I might try… maybe.”

“You know it’s not about reciprocation, right?” He asks her. 

“So you don’t want me to suck your cock?” She grins evilly.

Ben chokes. 

“You can do whatever you like,” he tells her. “But I’m greedy, so I will have my turn afterwards. I don’t care if I have to take it while you shower or eat breakfast. We may or may not have a place to be in a couple hours.”

“Wait… what?”

“Dad called this morning,” he explains, flushing. “You were asleep, but, um… you said my name.”

“Oh, _god_ ,” Rey groans. “They’ll hate me.”

“They’re thrilled,” Ben snorts, rolling his eyes. “I’m the one who should worry. My mother still suspects I’m trying to steal your virtue.”

“Is that what you call what you did last night?” Rey smirks. 

“If it is, I’m about to steal your virtue again.” Ben grins. 

“What about my turn?” Rey raises an eyebrow, leaning up on her elbows. 

“Too greedy,” He shakes his head, already kissing his way down her body as she laughs. “Plus, we’re in a hurry.”

Hard to argue that logic. 

* * *

  
With a bottle of wine in one hand and his other sliding back around Rey’s waist, Ben waits for his mother to hear the doorbell and bust the doors open. 

“Rey!” His mother beams, ignoring him as if he were simply part of the scenery. “So good to see you again, dear!”

Han pops his head out from under the newspaper he’s reading once they pass the entrance to the den. 

“Rey,” He smiles sneakily. Ben braces himself. “How are you, sweetheart?”

Rey flushes a deep shade of red, but laughs and rolls her eyes nonetheless. 

“I’m doing as well as you are, old man.” She grins. 

Han raises his eyebrows and looks to his son, who dons a satisfied smirk. 

“Ha!” Han shouts, sitting the newspaper down and standing from his chair. “I like her, son. Don’t screw it up.”

He winks at Rey and gives her a small pat on the shoulder before walking into the kitchen. 

Rey and Ben follow him, and Ben sits the bottle of wine on the island before placing his hand tentatively over Rey’s. 

“You good?” He asks quietly. 

“Great, actually.” She smiles, spinning her own hand around to tighten over his. 

“What’s with the wine?” Han asks, eyeing the bottle. 

“It’s mom’s favorite,” Ben shrugs. “Thought I might convince you to slack off on the hounding that is likely inevitable.”

“I got my hounding out of the way on the phone,” Han smirks. “I can’t control your mother, though.”

Rey flushes. 

“What about controlling me, dear?” Leia raises an eyebrow. 

“Nothing of the sort,” Ben interjects. “I brought your favorite.”

“How sweet,” Leia smiles. “Thank you, son. It’s not getting you out of anything.”

Ben clears his throat. 

“Figured that.”

“Normally, when a parent has a child who’s entered into a serious relationship, the parent is worried and apprehensive toward their child’s partner,” Leia begins, clinically. “This is not a normal case.”

Rey flushes, and starts shaking her head wildly. 

“I would never, um… be with Ben for any ulterior motives or—“

“Oh, we know that, sweetheart,” Leia shakes her head gently. “It’s my boy I’m most worried about.”

“Mom, we’ve been through this. The very last thing I want to do to Rey is hurt her in any way, shape or form.”

Leia continues to study her son. 

“I mean, I love her.”

It takes a moment, but Leia’s poker face softens into a smile as she watches her son lay his hand over Rey’s.

“Since that’s settled,” She blinks away tears. “Who’s hungry? I made lasagna.”

* * *

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @kylouwu


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